▶▶▮ t w o

[chronologistics]

alright
ok so
coinsidre this your s o s
f y i that stands for save our shit
because f y i our shit needs to be saved
our shit
needs to be saved
someone call the fuckign papers
and get a pictuer of our shit on every gogdam milk carton in asgard
its a duckin emerg ency
check it
hey
asshole who decided to fill every last boltte of aj here with
apple fuckng funtinis
im gonna piss on all the thigns you lo

-- oh fuck.

[--the text suddenly vanishes as the video function toggles on. A pair of dark aviators takes up roughly 54% of the feed, while the rest of it is taken up by pale blonde hair and flushed cheeks; for a moment, it almost looks like someone trying for the perfect setup for some terrible MySpace selfies.

Dave's brows furrow tightly behind the shades as he hiccups and leans back to prop his chin on his hand. It reveals a little of the background behind him; he's leaning against a wall. While the shades hide how heavy his eyes are, there's a tell-tale sway to the way he's holding himself.

Dave Strider, at the current moment, is drunk as a skunk.]

Featherbro. S'medical emergency. Don't drink the aj.



[[Asgardians and Fourth-Wallers welcome! Poor Dave's been cursed with hard-ciderfied apple juice so that all the aj he drinks is settling like fancy tequila. Threadjacking is probable and encouraged.]]

Comments

[tipsygnostalgia]

dave
hey dave
have you been dipping into ur sisters secret stash
that somehhow got left here when she vacated the holy city of ass guards
(i cant say mine since i dont even have a secret stash anymore)

video;

[chronologistics]

om fg what no

[You know what. Fuck texting.]

First of all, fuck her secret stash. No one likes space moonshine. Second of all...

Second of all, fuck the ass guards for not ass guarding the goddamn apple juice. Who even fucks with apple juice? It's nectar of the fucking gods and this bullshit tips the heinous needle to obscene levels on the blasphemy scale.

1/3

[feathery]

[What is this.]

[feathery]

are you shitting me right now

3/4

[feathery]

did you seriously get drunk on fermented aj oh my god man

audio;

[feathery]

Where are you, we need to revoke your network access and for christ's sake, don't drink anymore apple juice.

[He cannot even believe this shit.]

voice;

[longwinded]

I was trying really hard not to laugh.

[That might have been him trying to hold it back again.]

video;

[chronologistics]

Fuck you, Egderp.

[Eloquent.]

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Where are you, right now.

video;

[chronologistics]

........ no.

[Text - Filtered] Namine you've really gotta rethink your preferred method of communication

[lethechained]

[... Well. He did say 'medical emergency'.]

Are you injured?

[Or is he just totally schnockered?]

video; filtered;

[chronologistics]

[Yeah, he's not even going to try to read it.]

Sorry, the Dave you are trying to reach is currently not in service. If you think you've reached this message in error, please hang up and try again.

[tongue3y3s]

Daaaaaaaaaaaaave... [Have some big, concerned, scarred red eyeballs peering over the edges of her glasses.] When I said you should go have fun at the festival with your other friends, this isn't what I meant!

[chronologistics]

[They're like... two red balls.]

Oh my god, how many times do I have to say it, it was just [-- is he seriously hiccupping? Yes, yes he is.] apple juice.

[Video]

[unbrokenwheel]

[Leo has been watching this spectacle and waiting when the red text would turn off. Being a Demigod was hell sometimes. He has been fiddling to see if he can shut off the colors when he reads it. So far no luck.]

Okay, I'll bite. What's wrong with the apple juice? That is what you mean by aj, right?

[Video]

[chronologistics]

...










Oh my fucking god. [Oh my fucking god] Finally someone fucking gets it.

[Video]

[rabbunctious]

[What is this. Is this some kind of tiny version of Dirk with robot bunny ears? Is this some kind of tiny version of you with robot bunny ears? They tilt forward, concerned.]

What is a. [The ears twitch a little, back then forward.] 'Funtini,' and what does it do in a duck emergency?

[Video]

[chronologistics]

[Oh fuck no. He knows exactly what this is. Thank you, Dirk's weird-as-fuck-dreams.]

Hint: it rhymes with martini and it sure as shit ain't fun.

[nukeoleptic]

lmfao omg dave
are you sure you are going to be ok??

[chronologistics]

[Text. Why text.]

Harley, your green is particularly blinding tonight.

text;

[integrous]

Wait, what needs to be saved?!

[ Asahi is so oblivious that she in fact doesn't even notice that the guy might just be spewing nonsense since he's drunk.. ]

video;

[chronologistics]

--the shit is with everyone and their fucking text?!

[Says the guy who... almost exclusively communicates in text.]

[cancerousgeneticist]

OH MY FUCKING GOG. I DID NOT JUST READ WHAT I FUCKING THINK I READ. I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS JUST FORCED TO RUB MY OCCULAR GLOBES OVER. I AM LITERALLY FLUSHED WITH AWKWARD EMBARRASSMENT FOR YOU AND YOUR RISING BLOOD-ALCOHOL LEVEL.

video;

[chronologistics]

Wow are you done yet.

video

[getinthechariot]

Do you have trouble holding your drink, boy?

[Because he will gladly take it off your hands. Yes, he will]

video;

[chronologistics]

Do you have trouble using a razor, dude?

[Sorry, not sorry.]

[exegesis]

It seems I got dropped at the finish line of a race and what I've won is veritable comedy gold.

video;

[chronologistics]

Nice shade.

[It's up to you to decide what he means by this.]

[biifurcatiion]

dont driink the what.
oh my god ii cant tell iif thii2 ii2 really awe2ome or ju2t kiind of really embarra22iing.
liike by proxy, ii am embarra22ed that my uniiver2e once biirthed your2, that kiind of thiing.
keep talkiing whiile ii try two make a decii2iion, for 2ciience.

video;

[chronologistics]

[Because fuck text. Someone is a very irritable drunk.]

Too many fucking I's and 2's, dickbag.

[wasthemaster]

[...this is Dave Strider? The original Dave Strider?

What a hot mess. This is hilarious and kind of pathetic. What a shame Davesprite has to share genetic makeup with this one. (Or however sprites work, he's not entirely sure he's clear on that.) Draco knows about Dave via Jade but this wasn't exactly what he was expecting.]

Are you always this eloquent, or is this a special occasion?

text;

[nukeoleptic]

be nice
please?

AND THEN OUR HEROES RETURNED HOME.....

[chronologistics]

[Dave has gotten pretty used to the way that the world has been tilting from side to side for the last hour, rocking almost like a boat over choppy water. As used to it as a guy can get, anyway, between being bounced and balanced between Featherbro and Kidbro. Keeping his eyes closed through the banter has helped to keep him from feeling like he's turning sideways.

For the last twelve minutes, however, the world is no longer just rocking. It's practically capsizing, and no amount of keeping his eyes shut is fixing it.

His footsteps slow to almost a drag somewhere at the entrance to the apartment building. His voice comes out a little thick, yet controlled.]

Dudes... [Can we just... stop here for a sec?]

[feathery]

[Davesprite slows with him automatically and sighs a little through his nose, adjusting his shoulder and arm to handle more of Dave's weight. His exasperation has mostly faded at this point—the sigh is more tired than anything else—but man will he be relieved when they finally get him inside.]

Almost there, man.