asgardeventide | ▶▶▮ t w o

alright
ok so
coinsidre this your s o s
f y i that stands for save our shit
because f y i our shit needs to be saved
our shit
needs to be saved
someone call the fuckign papers
and get a pictuer of our shit on every gogdam milk carton in asgard
its a duckin emerg ency
check it
hey
asshole who decided to fill every last boltte of aj here with
apple fuckng funtinis
im gonna piss on all the thigns you lo

-- oh fuck.

[--the text suddenly vanishes as the video function toggles on. A pair of dark aviators takes up roughly 54% of the feed, while the rest of it is taken up by pale blonde hair and flushed cheeks; for a moment, it almost looks like someone trying for the perfect setup for some terrible MySpace selfies.

Dave's brows furrow tightly behind the shades as he hiccups and leans back to prop his chin on his hand. It reveals a little of the background behind him; he's leaning against a wall. While the shades hide how heavy his eyes are, there's a tell-tale sway to the way he's holding himself.

Dave Strider, at the current moment, is drunk as a skunk.]

Featherbro. S'medical emergency. Don't drink the aj.

[[Asgardians and Fourth-Wallers welcome! Poor Dave's been cursed with hard-ciderfied apple juice so that all the aj he drinks is settling like fancy tequila. Threadjacking is probable and encouraged.]]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

dave
hey dave
have you been dipping into ur sisters secret stash
that somehhow got left here when she vacated the holy city of ass guards
(i cant say mine since i dont even have a secret stash anymore)

[What is this.]

are you shitting me right now

Edited (christ why won't it let me use certain icons) 2013-07-05 04:42 (UTC)

did you seriously get drunk on fermented aj oh my god man

Edited (STILL NOT LETTING ME USE CERTAIN ICONS?) 2013-07-05 04:45 (UTC)

I was trying really hard not to laugh.

[That might have been him trying to hold it back again.]

Where are you, we need to revoke your network access and for christ's sake, don't drink anymore apple juice.

[He cannot even believe this shit.]

You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Where are you, right now.

[... Well. He did say 'medical emergency'.]

Are you injured?

[Or is he just totally schnockered?]

Daaaaaaaaaaaaave... [Have some big, concerned, scarred red eyeballs peering over the edges of her glasses.] When I said you should go have fun at the festival with your other friends, this isn't what I meant!

om fg what no

[You know what. Fuck texting.]

First of all, fuck her secret stash. No one likes space moonshine. Second of all...

Second of all, fuck the ass guards for not ass guarding the goddamn apple juice. Who even fucks with apple juice? It's nectar of the fucking gods and this bullshit tips the heinous needle to obscene levels on the blasphemy scale.

[Fuck it. He's keeping it video.]

Dude.

Dude, first of all, fuck your text. Second of all... [He sits up in his place and tries to toss his hair out of his face.] ... I'm sitting right here.

Third of all, no.

Fuck you, Egderp.

[Eloquent.]

........ no.

[Yeah, he's not even going to try to read it.]

Sorry, the Dave you are trying to reach is currently not in service. If you think you've reached this message in error, please hang up and try again.

Edited 2013-07-05 05:15 (UTC)

Aw man, Dave. You don't have to be like that. Seriously though, you alright?

[He is completely unimpressed, his expression is flat and his tone bordering on exasperated.] I said. Where are you.

[They're like... two red balls.]

Oh my god, how many times do I have to say it, it was just [-- is he seriously hiccupping? Yes, yes he is.] apple juice.

[Leo has been watching this spectacle and waiting when the red text would turn off. Being a Demigod was hell sometimes. He has been fiddling to see if he can shut off the colors when he reads it. So far no luck.]

Okay, I'll bite. What's wrong with the apple juice? That is what you mean by aj, right?

[His feathers are totally ruffled, so he's going to stick to audio. But he's scanning the area around Dave for any kind of hint where he is, because this is damage control.]

Did you seriously just refuse to stop drinking the AJ when I know you can't get a bottle from point A to point B without sloshing it down your front. That's a waste of valuable juice resources and puts the rest of the Dave collective in a precariously shitty position.

[He's aware Dave probably meant revoked network access, but caring about that is not a thing that's happening right now.]

Thank you.

[... Dirk can probably tell his eyes are narrowing behind the shades.]

Why? I ain't in the mood for swords.

...

Oh my fucking god. [Oh my fucking god] Finally someone fucking gets it.

[While Dave is taking time to gather his wits, Leo is fiddling with metal bits and wires. He has a little wire and metal constructed apple in his hands by the time the reply comes.] Pretty sure everyone got it dude. They just want to focus on juvenile delinquency.

What's wrong with the juice?

I didn't say I was challenging you, bro. I asked you where you are. [Dave can probably tell Dirk's eyes are narrowing in kind.]

[... Rude, Dave. In hindsight, she supposes she should have known better.]

[The video clicks on to a concerned looking Naminé. There's a fairly nondescript brick wall behind her and the lighting is a bit uneven. Judging by the background noise, she's out in the festival, but has tucked herself into a side alley for the moment.]

Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Are you hurt?

Someone's fucked with the apple juice. And I swear to god if you say anything about monster Howie Mandel I'm pretty much going to be forced to fly off the fucking handle so hard you won't be able to walk around the boner you'll get from all the sicknasty acrobatics.

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