karkat ♋ vantas (
cancerousgeneticist) wrote in
asgardeventide2013-06-23 07:51 pm
004| Karkat Vantas| Video
[The video flickers to life, a close up shot on a young, gray face. Karkat fiddled off screen for a few seconds, seemingly unaware that the whole Network was watching. Then his orange eyes light up, and he stares into the camera, the look of surprise quickly fleeting and turning into the default pissed off expression.]
Alright, listen up. I got a story for you numbnubs, and pay attention and sharpen your pencils because there's going to be a fucking pop quiz at the end.
So I was walking around town earlier--yeah I fucking went outside, and if I hear one goddamn comment about it you'll be looking at a lifetime commitment of having your head shoved up your ass--I was outside earlier and I saw this bag in a dumpster outside of the living quarters. And fuck me sideways the bag was filled with movies! How eerily coincidental, if this wasn't the real world I'd think it was some sort of plot device. [he clears his throat, then leans out of the picture for a moment to pick up three battered looking VHS tapes.]
So I got these three that look the least nauseating. I don't know anything about them, so I guess I'm looking for a bit of a review before I bring them back to Nepeta and Equius' hive. Uhhh--[He looks at the VHS tapes, one by one.] We've got 'Deep Impact', 'The Lion King', and ....uh...'Romeo + Juliet'?
I guess I'm just wondering which one will make me hurl the least. [The broadcast ends abruptly with a sneer.]
Alright, listen up. I got a story for you numbnubs, and pay attention and sharpen your pencils because there's going to be a fucking pop quiz at the end.
So I was walking around town earlier--yeah I fucking went outside, and if I hear one goddamn comment about it you'll be looking at a lifetime commitment of having your head shoved up your ass--I was outside earlier and I saw this bag in a dumpster outside of the living quarters. And fuck me sideways the bag was filled with movies! How eerily coincidental, if this wasn't the real world I'd think it was some sort of plot device. [he clears his throat, then leans out of the picture for a moment to pick up three battered looking VHS tapes.]
So I got these three that look the least nauseating. I don't know anything about them, so I guess I'm looking for a bit of a review before I bring them back to Nepeta and Equius' hive. Uhhh--[He looks at the VHS tapes, one by one.] We've got 'Deep Impact', 'The Lion King', and ....uh...'Romeo + Juliet'?
I guess I'm just wondering which one will make me hurl the least. [The broadcast ends abruptly with a sneer.]

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One, fuck you. Two, I don't even know any of these movies. I'm a connoisseur of Trollian film, not this lesser species. I mean, yeah I've seen a few flicks here and there while hurtling through space on a chunk of rock. But not enough to know which one will suit my perfected tastes.
Also, three: I'm not taking advice from someone who's watched movies with John.
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((SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY SOBS))
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Kar said I could come ovver an' wwatch a feww movvies sometime.
Maybe I could join.
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maybe.
I mean if we have time.
...not that we have all that much else to do.
Oh yeah, I invited Eridan. Because he looked like he was going to cry if I didn't. So I hope that's okay?
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Romeo and Juliet's good for some snark, at least. It's teenagers making comically bad relationship decisions, what more could you want in a movie to commentate on?
'Deep Impact' sounds like it might be 18+ though, just saying.
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DON'T WORRY YOURSELF INTO A FESTERING PILE OF ANGUISH, I HAVE THIS BEYOND CHECKED OUT FOR OUR YOUNGER AUDIENCES. DEEP IMPACT, UPON CLOSE SCRUTINY BY YOURS TRULY, IS RATED 'PG-13', AND I QUOTE: "for intense disaster related elements and brief language", WHICH, LET'S BE FUCKING HONEST, ARE THINGS I'VE ALREADY EXPERIENCED ABOUT FIVE HUNDRED TIMES TOO MANY.
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I ain't heard of any of 'em. When're you gonna watch 'em?
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Not that I trust your taste in fine cinema.
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[ Apparently someone here is passionate about it.. ]
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(eheheh a little late...)
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What do I want you to do? If you guessed 'fuck off' you're right! You win a nod of dismal approval and the knowledge that I hate you.
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