terezi pyrope (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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asgardeventide2013-06-02 10:52 pm
tongue3y3s) wrote in asgardeventide2013-06-02 10:52 pm
Entry tags:
four • [video]
[Whenever Terezi and Sollux recede from the limelight, everyone should start to get worried. That means they're plotting, and everyone should be very, very afraid of what they could be plotting. And they've put some effort into this one. Not a lot, but a substantial amount, for a large joke.
The video opens with Terezi and Sollux perched on stools, coffee mugs in hand, clad in slacks and the ugliest sweaters imaginable, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.
Terezi bursts into laughter the moment the feed goes live, and flaps a hand at Sollux, wheezing through her teeth.] You start, [she orders between her cackles,] This was your idea, Appleberry. [Still snickering, she lifts her mug to her mouth and tries to pokerface, and instead almost ends up aspirating coffee when she laughs halfway through a sip.]
Don't make excutheth for being a lazy athh, it'th not fooling anybody. [But he holds his mug up in mock salute, all his fangs on display.] Good day, Athgard. Ath you know, the godth have a terrible tendency to be indecithive fuckwadth, and tho we end up theeing the thame people, over and over and over. And we'll thay it becauthe you're too thtuffy to even admit it to yourthelf- thome verthionth thick more than otherth. Which got uth to thinking-
It's important to have a frame of reference, you see. To answer the really hard-hitting questions. Such as, which trolls suck the most! And the least, of course! [She shares a conspiratorial smirk with Sollux.] That way, everyone knows who they should avoid on sight and who are the gods of troll sexiness and should be smothered with adoration. [And then she bursts into another fit of laughter.]
By popular opinion, Athgard'th hottetht troll ith TZ here, with mythelf thitting pretty at number two. We agreed Kanaya thhould get number three, becauthe let'th be real, it'th KN, thhe trieth tho hard without even needing to.
[Asgard's hottest troll is hiding laughter behind her coffee mug. Meanwhile, Sollux hasn't even cracked a smile.] Yes, Sollux, thank you. Next time you feel the need to pay tribute to a god, instead consider paying tribute to Kanaya for blessing your unworthy hides with her existence!
Anyway, the fourth hottest troll is Nepeta, for obvious reasons.
Fifth ith Aradia, altho for obviouth reathonth, and Feferi cometh next even though thhe'th not here becauthe we can't leave her out, and thhe would be number 1 if thhe wath. But in abthentia thhe'th thtill way more hot than everyone elthe.
Excuse you, Sollux, number two. You can void your position if you want; I made no such volunteer!
It'th called backthtabbing. Finithh the litht, bitch.
[Terezi wields her half empty coffee mug threateningly.] Don't compel me to make you cry on camera, Captor. I'll do it and all of Asgard will see you. [Lowering the mug, Terezi clears her throat and sips her coffee in some approximation of civility.] Anyway. The next person on the list is, uh--
...
[Fidgeting, Terezi gulps down the remainder of her mug and carelessly tosses it in Sollux's lap. She hops off her stool and scuttles off screen, then returns holding a piece of chalk-scribbled paper in her hand, and also missing her sweater and sporting some righteously messed up hair.] ... Ahem. [She stares at the list like she can actually see it.]
[Sollux rolls his eyes. This is less obvious than it might be, because they are just as bland as hers, but try to imagine it if you can.] Jutht get a grip and get it over with, thith ith taking too long.
Hey, fuck you. Next on our list is seven, which has been reluctantly assigned to... Karkat.
[More eye-rolling.] Then Equiuth then Eridan. Thith concludeth our public thervice announcement, brought to you by boredom. Tune in next month when we thtart rating the humanth on thomething, probably how obnoxiouth they are.
[Terezi thwaps him with the list, which is now rolled up and weaponized.] That's a stupid ending, Sollux! You rushed it and it isn't funny anymore.
Yeah well you had an emotional breakdown on camera, it wath pretty much unsalvageable from that point on.
I did not!
Yeah, you did. We're done here. [With that he reaches to turn the feed off, but instead is knocked off screen by Terezi, who springs straight off the top of her stool and tackles him, linebacker style. Coffee splashes everywhere. There's a muffled shout of indignation and the feed goes dead.]
The video opens with Terezi and Sollux perched on stools, coffee mugs in hand, clad in slacks and the ugliest sweaters imaginable, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.
Terezi bursts into laughter the moment the feed goes live, and flaps a hand at Sollux, wheezing through her teeth.] You start, [she orders between her cackles,] This was your idea, Appleberry. [Still snickering, she lifts her mug to her mouth and tries to pokerface, and instead almost ends up aspirating coffee when she laughs halfway through a sip.]
Don't make excutheth for being a lazy athh, it'th not fooling anybody. [But he holds his mug up in mock salute, all his fangs on display.] Good day, Athgard. Ath you know, the godth have a terrible tendency to be indecithive fuckwadth, and tho we end up theeing the thame people, over and over and over. And we'll thay it becauthe you're too thtuffy to even admit it to yourthelf- thome verthionth thick more than otherth. Which got uth to thinking-
It's important to have a frame of reference, you see. To answer the really hard-hitting questions. Such as, which trolls suck the most! And the least, of course! [She shares a conspiratorial smirk with Sollux.] That way, everyone knows who they should avoid on sight and who are the gods of troll sexiness and should be smothered with adoration. [And then she bursts into another fit of laughter.]
By popular opinion, Athgard'th hottetht troll ith TZ here, with mythelf thitting pretty at number two. We agreed Kanaya thhould get number three, becauthe let'th be real, it'th KN, thhe trieth tho hard without even needing to.
[Asgard's hottest troll is hiding laughter behind her coffee mug. Meanwhile, Sollux hasn't even cracked a smile.] Yes, Sollux, thank you. Next time you feel the need to pay tribute to a god, instead consider paying tribute to Kanaya for blessing your unworthy hides with her existence!
Anyway, the fourth hottest troll is Nepeta, for obvious reasons.
Fifth ith Aradia, altho for obviouth reathonth, and Feferi cometh next even though thhe'th not here becauthe we can't leave her out, and thhe would be number 1 if thhe wath. But in abthentia thhe'th thtill way more hot than everyone elthe.
Excuse you, Sollux, number two. You can void your position if you want; I made no such volunteer!
It'th called backthtabbing. Finithh the litht, bitch.
[Terezi wields her half empty coffee mug threateningly.] Don't compel me to make you cry on camera, Captor. I'll do it and all of Asgard will see you. [Lowering the mug, Terezi clears her throat and sips her coffee in some approximation of civility.] Anyway. The next person on the list is, uh--
...
[Fidgeting, Terezi gulps down the remainder of her mug and carelessly tosses it in Sollux's lap. She hops off her stool and scuttles off screen, then returns holding a piece of chalk-scribbled paper in her hand, and also missing her sweater and sporting some righteously messed up hair.] ... Ahem. [She stares at the list like she can actually see it.]
[Sollux rolls his eyes. This is less obvious than it might be, because they are just as bland as hers, but try to imagine it if you can.] Jutht get a grip and get it over with, thith ith taking too long.
Hey, fuck you. Next on our list is seven, which has been reluctantly assigned to... Karkat.
[More eye-rolling.] Then Equiuth then Eridan. Thith concludeth our public thervice announcement, brought to you by boredom. Tune in next month when we thtart rating the humanth on thomething, probably how obnoxiouth they are.
[Terezi thwaps him with the list, which is now rolled up and weaponized.] That's a stupid ending, Sollux! You rushed it and it isn't funny anymore.
Yeah well you had an emotional breakdown on camera, it wath pretty much unsalvageable from that point on.
I did not!
Yeah, you did. We're done here. [With that he reaches to turn the feed off, but instead is knocked off screen by Terezi, who springs straight off the top of her stool and tackles him, linebacker style. Coffee splashes everywhere. There's a muffled shout of indignation and the feed goes dead.]
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Wait... No, I got this friend Ino? Then there's Shikamaru, an' Shino.
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BUT OUR CULTUR3 WOULD PROB4BLY CULL 4 TROLL WHO D1DNT H4V3 4 PROP3R N4M3 >:[
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You'd kill someone 'cause their name ain't the right amount of letters?
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TH3 CULL1NG DRON3S THOUGH Y3S PROB4BLY
4ND 4 H1GHBLOOD M1GHT 1F TH3Y M3T 4 LOWBLOOD W1TH 4N 4BNORM4L N4M3
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You could just change it?
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NOBODY H4S N4M3S L1K3 TH4T 4NYW4Y SO 1TS NOT 4 PROBL3M >:]
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What'd you say it was again?
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4ND Y3S 3V3RYONE H4S N4M3S S1X L3TT3RS LONG
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Are you guys like-- all the same? With the-- grey and the...
[He doesn't say it - just reaches his hands up above his head, signing for the horns.]
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4LL OF OUR HORNS 4R3 UN1QU3 4ND W3 H4V3 D1FF3R3NT BLOOD COLOURS
BUT Y3S 4LL TROLLS H4V3 GR3Y SK1N 4ND HORNS
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Do you like 'em? The horns, I mean?
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1 K1ND OF F33L B4D FOR HUM4NS WHO DONT H4V3 TH3M
HORNS 4R3 4W3SOM3 >:]
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WELL-- [That's... kind of a dirty question, oops.]
MOST OF THE T1M3 TH3Y DONT F33L L1K3 4NYTH1NG
TH3YR3 JUST TH3R3
L1K3 YOUR 4RM OR YOUR NOS3
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They feel like skin?
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NO!
TH3YR3 H4RD L1K3 N41LS
H4RD3R TH4N HUM4N N41LS 4CTU4LLY
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I guess kinda like-- bull's horns or something?
Don't you bang 'em on stuff?
Textjack;
........................
no wait hold on
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
wow ok
im gonna need a new pair of buzz lightyear briefs after laughing that hard
holy shit
All the video because, because. :|
Permatext; because B)
and save you from what is about to become a pretty hilarious
and yet fucking embarrassing debacle
see normally im not always feeling this generous
because im kind of a big deal and i got a lot of shit on my plate
but im sorta bound by the handcuffs of obligation here
basically im gonna be your sensei
and youre going to grab a pen
sit down on my cold dojo floor
and take some notes
;;
What're you talkin' about?
I don't need savin' from anythin'?
I'm so sorry 8(
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private;
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Doooon't think you are. :|
Not really, no >) 1/2
2/2
;;
x)
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1/3
2/3
3/3
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1
W3LL
NOT R34LLY
1 M34N SOM3T1M3S BUT
NOT USU4LLY W3R3 US3D TO TH3M B31NG TH3R3 SO 1TS 34SY TO 4VO1D
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Oh. I guess, that's true huh?
So... are there a bunch of you guys here?
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NOT TH3T M4NY THOUGH
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I mean, you're from the same place right?
There's just me an' Sasuke from back home.
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