terezi pyrope (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tongue3y3s) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
asgardeventide2013-06-02 10:52 pm
tongue3y3s) wrote in asgardeventide2013-06-02 10:52 pm
Entry tags:
four • [video]
[Whenever Terezi and Sollux recede from the limelight, everyone should start to get worried. That means they're plotting, and everyone should be very, very afraid of what they could be plotting. And they've put some effort into this one. Not a lot, but a substantial amount, for a large joke.
The video opens with Terezi and Sollux perched on stools, coffee mugs in hand, clad in slacks and the ugliest sweaters imaginable, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.
Terezi bursts into laughter the moment the feed goes live, and flaps a hand at Sollux, wheezing through her teeth.] You start, [she orders between her cackles,] This was your idea, Appleberry. [Still snickering, she lifts her mug to her mouth and tries to pokerface, and instead almost ends up aspirating coffee when she laughs halfway through a sip.]
Don't make excutheth for being a lazy athh, it'th not fooling anybody. [But he holds his mug up in mock salute, all his fangs on display.] Good day, Athgard. Ath you know, the godth have a terrible tendency to be indecithive fuckwadth, and tho we end up theeing the thame people, over and over and over. And we'll thay it becauthe you're too thtuffy to even admit it to yourthelf- thome verthionth thick more than otherth. Which got uth to thinking-
It's important to have a frame of reference, you see. To answer the really hard-hitting questions. Such as, which trolls suck the most! And the least, of course! [She shares a conspiratorial smirk with Sollux.] That way, everyone knows who they should avoid on sight and who are the gods of troll sexiness and should be smothered with adoration. [And then she bursts into another fit of laughter.]
By popular opinion, Athgard'th hottetht troll ith TZ here, with mythelf thitting pretty at number two. We agreed Kanaya thhould get number three, becauthe let'th be real, it'th KN, thhe trieth tho hard without even needing to.
[Asgard's hottest troll is hiding laughter behind her coffee mug. Meanwhile, Sollux hasn't even cracked a smile.] Yes, Sollux, thank you. Next time you feel the need to pay tribute to a god, instead consider paying tribute to Kanaya for blessing your unworthy hides with her existence!
Anyway, the fourth hottest troll is Nepeta, for obvious reasons.
Fifth ith Aradia, altho for obviouth reathonth, and Feferi cometh next even though thhe'th not here becauthe we can't leave her out, and thhe would be number 1 if thhe wath. But in abthentia thhe'th thtill way more hot than everyone elthe.
Excuse you, Sollux, number two. You can void your position if you want; I made no such volunteer!
It'th called backthtabbing. Finithh the litht, bitch.
[Terezi wields her half empty coffee mug threateningly.] Don't compel me to make you cry on camera, Captor. I'll do it and all of Asgard will see you. [Lowering the mug, Terezi clears her throat and sips her coffee in some approximation of civility.] Anyway. The next person on the list is, uh--
...
[Fidgeting, Terezi gulps down the remainder of her mug and carelessly tosses it in Sollux's lap. She hops off her stool and scuttles off screen, then returns holding a piece of chalk-scribbled paper in her hand, and also missing her sweater and sporting some righteously messed up hair.] ... Ahem. [She stares at the list like she can actually see it.]
[Sollux rolls his eyes. This is less obvious than it might be, because they are just as bland as hers, but try to imagine it if you can.] Jutht get a grip and get it over with, thith ith taking too long.
Hey, fuck you. Next on our list is seven, which has been reluctantly assigned to... Karkat.
[More eye-rolling.] Then Equiuth then Eridan. Thith concludeth our public thervice announcement, brought to you by boredom. Tune in next month when we thtart rating the humanth on thomething, probably how obnoxiouth they are.
[Terezi thwaps him with the list, which is now rolled up and weaponized.] That's a stupid ending, Sollux! You rushed it and it isn't funny anymore.
Yeah well you had an emotional breakdown on camera, it wath pretty much unsalvageable from that point on.
I did not!
Yeah, you did. We're done here. [With that he reaches to turn the feed off, but instead is knocked off screen by Terezi, who springs straight off the top of her stool and tackles him, linebacker style. Coffee splashes everywhere. There's a muffled shout of indignation and the feed goes dead.]
The video opens with Terezi and Sollux perched on stools, coffee mugs in hand, clad in slacks and the ugliest sweaters imaginable, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.
Terezi bursts into laughter the moment the feed goes live, and flaps a hand at Sollux, wheezing through her teeth.] You start, [she orders between her cackles,] This was your idea, Appleberry. [Still snickering, she lifts her mug to her mouth and tries to pokerface, and instead almost ends up aspirating coffee when she laughs halfway through a sip.]
Don't make excutheth for being a lazy athh, it'th not fooling anybody. [But he holds his mug up in mock salute, all his fangs on display.] Good day, Athgard. Ath you know, the godth have a terrible tendency to be indecithive fuckwadth, and tho we end up theeing the thame people, over and over and over. And we'll thay it becauthe you're too thtuffy to even admit it to yourthelf- thome verthionth thick more than otherth. Which got uth to thinking-
It's important to have a frame of reference, you see. To answer the really hard-hitting questions. Such as, which trolls suck the most! And the least, of course! [She shares a conspiratorial smirk with Sollux.] That way, everyone knows who they should avoid on sight and who are the gods of troll sexiness and should be smothered with adoration. [And then she bursts into another fit of laughter.]
By popular opinion, Athgard'th hottetht troll ith TZ here, with mythelf thitting pretty at number two. We agreed Kanaya thhould get number three, becauthe let'th be real, it'th KN, thhe trieth tho hard without even needing to.
[Asgard's hottest troll is hiding laughter behind her coffee mug. Meanwhile, Sollux hasn't even cracked a smile.] Yes, Sollux, thank you. Next time you feel the need to pay tribute to a god, instead consider paying tribute to Kanaya for blessing your unworthy hides with her existence!
Anyway, the fourth hottest troll is Nepeta, for obvious reasons.
Fifth ith Aradia, altho for obviouth reathonth, and Feferi cometh next even though thhe'th not here becauthe we can't leave her out, and thhe would be number 1 if thhe wath. But in abthentia thhe'th thtill way more hot than everyone elthe.
Excuse you, Sollux, number two. You can void your position if you want; I made no such volunteer!
It'th called backthtabbing. Finithh the litht, bitch.
[Terezi wields her half empty coffee mug threateningly.] Don't compel me to make you cry on camera, Captor. I'll do it and all of Asgard will see you. [Lowering the mug, Terezi clears her throat and sips her coffee in some approximation of civility.] Anyway. The next person on the list is, uh--
...
[Fidgeting, Terezi gulps down the remainder of her mug and carelessly tosses it in Sollux's lap. She hops off her stool and scuttles off screen, then returns holding a piece of chalk-scribbled paper in her hand, and also missing her sweater and sporting some righteously messed up hair.] ... Ahem. [She stares at the list like she can actually see it.]
[Sollux rolls his eyes. This is less obvious than it might be, because they are just as bland as hers, but try to imagine it if you can.] Jutht get a grip and get it over with, thith ith taking too long.
Hey, fuck you. Next on our list is seven, which has been reluctantly assigned to... Karkat.
[More eye-rolling.] Then Equiuth then Eridan. Thith concludeth our public thervice announcement, brought to you by boredom. Tune in next month when we thtart rating the humanth on thomething, probably how obnoxiouth they are.
[Terezi thwaps him with the list, which is now rolled up and weaponized.] That's a stupid ending, Sollux! You rushed it and it isn't funny anymore.
Yeah well you had an emotional breakdown on camera, it wath pretty much unsalvageable from that point on.
I did not!
Yeah, you did. We're done here. [With that he reaches to turn the feed off, but instead is knocked off screen by Terezi, who springs straight off the top of her stool and tackles him, linebacker style. Coffee splashes everywhere. There's a muffled shout of indignation and the feed goes dead.]
[Video]
Wwhatevver. Evveryone knowws wwho's the hottest fuckin' thing in this place, an' I think wwe can all agree that it's the troll wwho has not one, but twwo functional quadrants filled.
[He will never stop rubbing that in everyone's faces.]
[Video]
[Video]
It does make you a petty, jealous wwriggler though.
[Video]
And now that I've explained thith, I'm going to go back to ignoring you again, becauthe dethpite what you theem to think, I don't actually give a damn about how you want to thpin it or whether or not you think I thhould be jealouth, becauthe you're about ath important to my life ath the turdth I thend down the load gaper on a regular bathith.
[Video]
Let's get one fuckin' thing straight, Sol. I am your fuckin' better in EVVERY single WWAY! My blood is fuckin' better than the piss that flowws through your vveins. I am smarter, I am stronger than you. An' I havve people wwho givve a damn about me, unlike you.
So you might a' persuaded Kan an' Ter to abandon me, but I am not a fuckin' reject. You're the reject. You are the mutant freak! An' you knoww wwhat? Kar actually still fuckin' likes me. An' so does Nep an' Equ, so by "evveryone" you actually just fuckin' mean TER, KAN, an' your SORRY SELF. You might wwant to fuckin' wwork on your understandin' a' basic concepts like the wword "evveryone," you IMBECILIC excuse for a landwweller.
[Video]
[Video]
I'vve told you before, Sol, I already got a fuckin kismesis, I don't need you sniffin' around my feet like a whiny barkbeast.
[Video]
Tho you can run along back to your little thkank now, and thtop cluttering up our liveth with the thmell of thhit conthtantly thpewing from your protein chute.
[Video]
But you knoww wwhat? Fef wwould be here. If you could fuckin' hold onto her! You LET them take her awway. An' then you havve the fuckin' nervve to CHEAT on her! So don't tell me about what Fef wwould and wwouldn't want!
You replaced her first, you upright-calcified-supportless, insignificant FUCK!
[Video]
[Video]
[Video]
no subject
JUST B3C4US3 YOU TR1CK3D TWO H3LPL3SS BYST4ND3RS 1NTO TOL3R4T1NG YOUR 4SS FOR MOR3 TH4N TH1RTY S3CONDS DO3SNT M4K3 YOU HOT
1T JUST M34NS YOUR3 3XTR4 P4TH3T1C
no subject
i knoww a pathetic envvious fuckin loudmouth wwhen i see one
this entire list thing wwas just a wway to catch my attention
laughing my fucking globes off
4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
YOU 4CTU4LLY-- H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
L M F G O
N4RC1S1SSM SM3LLS L1K3 WH4L3 4SSHOL3S
WHO KN3W
no subject
an i KNOWW im right or you an that filthblood wwouldnt be gettin so bent out a shape about this
im hot stuff ter
you cant fuckin deny it
no subject
4MPOR4
L3TS CUT TH3 BULLSH1T
1F 1 3V3R SM3LL YOU 4ROUND 1M GOING TO R1P 3V3RY S1NGL3 ON3 OF YOUR V3RT3BR43 OUT 4ND J4M TH3M UP YOUR NOOK 1N TH3 MOST PL4TON1C W4Y F4THOM4BL3 S1NC3 TH3 D4Y TH3 MOTH3R GRUB SH4RT3D YOU 1NTO TH1S UN1V3RS3 (4N 4CT WH1CH UNFORTUN4T3LY H4S D4MN3D TH3 R3ST OF US TO M1S3RY)
L3T M3 M4K3 TH1S CL34R:
4N 3NT1R3LY N3W DIM3NS1ON OF PL4TON1C H4TR3D W4S 1NV3NT3D TH3 D4Y YOU H4TCH3D JUST SO 3V3RYON3 1N 3X1ST3NC3 WOULD H4V3 4N 3MOT1ON TH3Y COULD PROP3RLY 4SCR1B3 TO YOU
SO DONT 3V3R L3T M3 SM3LL YOUR STUP1D N4STY PURPL3 BLOOD 3V3R 4G41N
GOT 1T? >:]
no subject
i deplore the vvery existence a both you an that fuck captor
this is his goddamn fault he fuckin tricked you into hatin me
i wwont FORGIVVE his pissblood ass
dont wworry ill forgivve you
wwhen you come to your fuckin senses
textjack;
im pretty sure youre just insufferable
id say that you put me in a run for my money
but that would be blasphemy on such an obscene scale that i dont want to think of it
anyway whats this i hear about you tricking teenmom?
double textjack;
double textjack;
that better be just a play on the word pale
like whatever the fuck it means in regards to fucking quadrants
and not actually a play on pail
as in
oh doctor douchemackeral i seem to be suffering from some sexy disease
im so hot and im having these wicked heart palpatations
here let me just take my shirt off for the examination
btw heres the extra large pail you requested
plz say no
i mean ive been around the block a time or two
but this is just not the image i wanted
double textjack;
textjack;
ters fuckin mouthy pet human
you knoww she might be impressed by your coolkid status
but i couldnt givve less of a fuck about your freak ability to rhyme
guess the gods just let evvery fuckin idiot from our univverse into their secret club
wwho the fuck is teenmom anywway
textjack;
fucking mouthy pet humans
god i hate it when they are just way more cool than me
oh wait i forgot the quirk again
pretend that i was just being way more annoying than usual
what do you mean who the fuck is teenmom
how many sassy teenmoms can there be??
textjack;
(no subject)
no subject
1 H4T3 YOU B3C4US3 YOUR3 4 R3PUGN4NT MURD3R3R NOT B3C4US3 OF 4NYTH1NG SOLLUX H4S S41D OR DON3
1N OTH3R WORDS
DONT HOLD YOUR BR34TH
no subject
because i dont fuckin need you anymore ter
to quote the spiderbitch i got so many fuckin irons in the fire
that your wwrigglers attempt to make me jealous aint evven wworth my attention
you just wwait and see wwhich one a us has the last fuckin laugh
audio;
audio;