tongue3y3s: credit needed. ([sollux] brohat.)
terezi pyrope ([personal profile] tongue3y3s) wrote in [community profile] asgardeventide2013-06-02 10:52 pm

four • [video]

[Whenever Terezi and Sollux recede from the limelight, everyone should start to get worried. That means they're plotting, and everyone should be very, very afraid of what they could be plotting. And they've put some effort into this one. Not a lot, but a substantial amount, for a large joke.

The video opens with Terezi and Sollux perched on stools, coffee mugs in hand, clad in slacks and the ugliest sweaters imaginable, shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.

Terezi bursts into laughter the moment the feed goes live, and flaps a hand at Sollux, wheezing through her teeth.
] You start, [she orders between her cackles,] This was your idea, Appleberry. [Still snickering, she lifts her mug to her mouth and tries to pokerface, and instead almost ends up aspirating coffee when she laughs halfway through a sip.]

Don't make excutheth for being a lazy athh, it'th not fooling anybody. [But he holds his mug up in mock salute, all his fangs on display.] Good day, Athgard. Ath you know, the godth have a terrible tendency to be indecithive fuckwadth, and tho we end up theeing the thame people, over and over and over. And we'll thay it becauthe you're too thtuffy to even admit it to yourthelf- thome verthionth thick more than otherth. Which got uth to thinking-

It's important to have a frame of reference, you see. To answer the really hard-hitting questions. Such as, which trolls suck the most! And the least, of course! [She shares a conspiratorial smirk with Sollux.] That way, everyone knows who they should avoid on sight and who are the gods of troll sexiness and should be smothered with adoration. [And then she bursts into another fit of laughter.]

By popular opinion, Athgard'th hottetht troll ith TZ here, with mythelf thitting pretty at number two. We agreed Kanaya thhould get number three, becauthe let'th be real, it'th KN, thhe trieth tho hard without even needing to.

[Asgard's hottest troll is hiding laughter behind her coffee mug. Meanwhile, Sollux hasn't even cracked a smile.] Yes, Sollux, thank you. Next time you feel the need to pay tribute to a god, instead consider paying tribute to Kanaya for blessing your unworthy hides with her existence!

Anyway, the fourth hottest troll is Nepeta, for obvious reasons.


Fifth ith Aradia, altho for obviouth reathonth, and Feferi cometh next even though thhe'th not here becauthe we can't leave her out, and thhe would be number 1 if thhe wath. But in abthentia thhe'th thtill way more hot than everyone elthe.

Excuse you, Sollux, number two. You can void your position if you want; I made no such volunteer!

It'th called backthtabbing. Finithh the litht, bitch.

[Terezi wields her half empty coffee mug threateningly.] Don't compel me to make you cry on camera, Captor. I'll do it and all of Asgard will see you. [Lowering the mug, Terezi clears her throat and sips her coffee in some approximation of civility.] Anyway. The next person on the list is, uh--

...


[Fidgeting, Terezi gulps down the remainder of her mug and carelessly tosses it in Sollux's lap. She hops off her stool and scuttles off screen, then returns holding a piece of chalk-scribbled paper in her hand, and also missing her sweater and sporting some righteously messed up hair.] ... Ahem. [She stares at the list like she can actually see it.]

[Sollux rolls his eyes. This is less obvious than it might be, because they are just as bland as hers, but try to imagine it if you can.] Jutht get a grip and get it over with, thith ith taking too long.

Hey, fuck you. Next on our list is seven, which has been reluctantly assigned to... Karkat.

[More eye-rolling.] Then Equiuth then Eridan. Thith concludeth our public thervice announcement, brought to you by boredom. Tune in next month when we thtart rating the humanth on thomething, probably how obnoxiouth they are.

[Terezi thwaps him with the list, which is now rolled up and weaponized.] That's a stupid ending, Sollux! You rushed it and it isn't funny anymore.

Yeah well you had an emotional breakdown on camera, it wath pretty much unsalvageable from that point on.

I did not!

Yeah, you did. We're done here. [With that he reaches to turn the feed off, but instead is knocked off screen by Terezi, who springs straight off the top of her stool and tackles him, linebacker style. Coffee splashes everywhere. There's a muffled shout of indignation and the feed goes dead.]
fishdouche: (wwhatevva)

[Video]

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-03 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[Here, have a very enraged Eridan Ampora affecting a very intentional sense of nonchalance as he waves his hand dismissively at the screen.]

Wwhatevver. Evveryone knowws wwho's the hottest fuckin' thing in this place, an' I think wwe can all agree that it's the troll wwho has not one, but twwo functional quadrants filled.

[He will never stop rubbing that in everyone's faces.]
biifurcatiion: (wut.)

[Video]

[personal profile] biifurcatiion 2013-06-04 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
There'th nothing worth bragging about in being a manwhore.
fishdouche: (yeah)

[Video]

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-05 08:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Havvin' successful, fuckin' stable quadrants doesn't make me a manwwhore, Sol.

It does make you a petty, jealous wwriggler though.
biifurcatiion: (sly like a fox)

[Video]

[personal profile] biifurcatiion 2013-06-09 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
I realize you're deluthional to the point of being incomprehenthible and flat out retarded, but try to grathp thith. You had nothing before you came here and thuckered a thimilarly mentally ill perthon into being your black partner and guilted Roxy into being pale. You could not even begin to thcore with another troll, becauthe we all know you are a black hole of ditheathed homicidal and noxiouthly thelf-important filth, and nobody careth if you're getting it on the thide from thome alien, becauthe we are all tho relieved that you have thtopped bothering uth. They might not think you're a joke? But I guarantee you every troll here thnickerth behind your back. And, well, to your face, becauthe we don't really give a fuck.

And now that I've explained thith, I'm going to go back to ignoring you again, becauthe dethpite what you theem to think, I don't actually give a damn about how you want to thpin it or whether or not you think I thhould be jealouth, becauthe you're about ath important to my life ath the turdth I thend down the load gaper on a regular bathith.
fishdouche: (nyeh)

[Video]

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-10 09:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[He pauses for a long moment, the hurt and anger etched across his face, before he gives a single, jerky nod. He brandishes an accusing finger at the video, snarling in reply.]

Let's get one fuckin' thing straight, Sol. I am your fuckin' better in EVVERY single WWAY! My blood is fuckin' better than the piss that flowws through your vveins. I am smarter, I am stronger than you. An' I havve people wwho givve a damn about me, unlike you.

So you might a' persuaded Kan an' Ter to abandon me, but I am not a fuckin' reject. You're the reject. You are the mutant freak! An' you knoww wwhat? Kar actually still fuckin' likes me. An' so does Nep an' Equ, so by "evveryone" you actually just fuckin' mean TER, KAN, an' your SORRY SELF. You might wwant to fuckin' wwork on your understandin' a' basic concepts like the wword "evveryone," you IMBECILIC excuse for a landwweller.
biifurcatiion: (say what?)

[Video]

[personal profile] biifurcatiion 2013-06-12 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
NP thinkth you're a creep and KK would feel thorry for a wet bag of crap if it were framed to thad muthic. But you can have Equiuth. When he'th on your thide you know you're wrong. Otherwithe, I thtand by my concluthionth.
fishdouche: (tsk)

[Video]

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-13 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Nep doesn't fuckin' think that. Don't go draggin' sane trolls into your pathetic wwriggler grudge match.

I'vve told you before, Sol, I already got a fuckin kismesis, I don't need you sniffin' around my feet like a whiny barkbeast.
biifurcatiion: (BACK OFF)

[Video]

[personal profile] biifurcatiion 2013-06-24 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
Eridan, the only reathon your bulge ith thtill attached to your body ith becauthe Fef ithn't here to appreciate the gethture of me cutting it out of your flethh and prethenting it to her ath a gift. Repeatedly. Comprehend- the only way I want your athh ith dead.

Tho you can run along back to your little thkank now, and thtop cluttering up our liveth with the thmell of thhit conthtantly thpewing from your protein chute.
fishdouche: (grr)

[Video]

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-26 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
I'm fuckin' done here anywway, Sol.

But you knoww wwhat? Fef wwould be here. If you could fuckin' hold onto her! You LET them take her awway. An' then you havve the fuckin' nervve to CHEAT on her! So don't tell me about what Fef wwould and wwouldn't want!

You replaced her first, you upright-calcified-supportless, insignificant FUCK!
biifurcatiion: (MELTDOWN)

[Video]

[personal profile] biifurcatiion 2013-06-29 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
I DIDN'T LEAVE FEF!
fishdouche: (suckit)

[Video]

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-30 01:00 am (UTC)(link)
BUT YOU ARE CHEATIN' ON HER, YOU MISERABLE SACK OF FUCK!

[Video]

[personal profile] biifurcatiion - 2013-07-07 02:47 (UTC) - Expand
fishdouche: (hubba hubba)

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-06 01:52 am (UTC)(link)
like youvve got any fuckin quadrants to brag about ter
i knoww a pathetic envvious fuckin loudmouth wwhen i see one
this entire list thing wwas just a wway to catch my attention
fishdouche: (yeah)

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-06 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
you smell like a fuckin dragons asshole
an i KNOWW im right or you an that filthblood wwouldnt be gettin so bent out a shape about this
im hot stuff ter
you cant fuckin deny it
fishdouche: (Default)

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-11 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
lets just make one fuckin thing clear
i deplore the vvery existence a both you an that fuck captor
this is his goddamn fault he fuckin tricked you into hatin me
i wwont FORGIVVE his pissblood ass

dont wworry ill forgivve you
wwhen you come to your fuckin senses
chronologistics: ▶▶▮  kinam (Default)

textjack;

[personal profile] chronologistics 2013-06-11 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
no dude
im pretty sure youre just insufferable
id say that you put me in a run for my money
but that would be blasphemy on such an obscene scale that i dont want to think of it
anyway whats this i hear about you tricking teenmom?
biifurcatiion: ([pester])

double textjack;

[personal profile] biifurcatiion 2013-06-12 12:46 am (UTC)(link)
he whiined hii2 way iinto gettiing her two play pale wiith hiim.
chronologistics: ▶▶▮  kinam ([TG] turntechGodhead)

double textjack;

[personal profile] chronologistics 2013-06-20 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
i swear to god captor
that better be just a play on the word pale
like whatever the fuck it means in regards to fucking quadrants
and not actually a play on pail
as in
oh doctor douchemackeral i seem to be suffering from some sexy disease
im so hot and im having these wicked heart palpatations
here let me just take my shirt off for the examination
btw heres the extra large pail you requested
plz say no
i mean ive been around the block a time or two
but this is just not the image i wanted

double textjack;

[personal profile] biifurcatiion - 2013-06-24 02:56 (UTC) - Expand
fishdouche: (faskdjfhkl)

textjack;

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-13 01:44 pm (UTC)(link)
oh its you again
ters fuckin mouthy pet human
you knoww she might be impressed by your coolkid status
but i couldnt givve less of a fuck about your freak ability to rhyme
guess the gods just let evvery fuckin idiot from our univverse into their secret club
wwho the fuck is teenmom anywway
chronologistics: ▶▶▮  kinam ([TG] turntechGodhead)

textjack;

[personal profile] chronologistics 2013-06-20 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
oh its me again
fucking mouthy pet humans
god i hate it when they are just way more cool than me
oh wait i forgot the quirk again
pretend that i was just being way more annoying than usual
what do you mean who the fuck is teenmom
how many sassy teenmoms can there be??

textjack;

[personal profile] fishdouche - 2013-06-22 04:47 (UTC) - Expand
fishdouche: (faskdjfhkl)

[personal profile] fishdouche 2013-06-24 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
i wwont
because i dont fuckin need you anymore ter
to quote the spiderbitch i got so many fuckin irons in the fire
that your wwrigglers attempt to make me jealous aint evven wworth my attention
you just wwait and see wwhich one a us has the last fuckin laugh

audio;

[personal profile] fishdouche - 2013-06-26 04:59 (UTC) - Expand