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[chronologistics]

man ive been in some pretty shitty dream bubbles
but this one takes the shitty cake of shitty cakes
like one of those five tier shitty cakes that dont even look like shitty cakes
just five tiers of something that looks like it crawled out of roses crazy fanfic wizard porn
tentacles and beards and
little crystal balls and sprinkles that are really supposed to be sparkles
but just looks like someone needed to use all the sprinkles before they went bad
because they couldnt afford to waste the 5 bucks they spent on the jar or something
so they were like hey lets make this shit sparkle
and dumped them all over the place
can sprinkles even go bad??

whatever its cool
im game
not like i have anything else better to do than to ride a meteor for three fucking years
surrounded by a bunch of tools and sistertraps experimenting with spacewizard booze
speaking of sistertraps
and her crazy fanfic wizard porn
where the fuck are you drunky??
man i told you
shouldve slept that shit off
shouldve rescheduled your date

oh my god im going to have to come find you arent i
find you and then find that nice pile of suitably soft objects i was talking about for you to sleep in
fyi if you puke on my cape
im pretty much going to be forced to fly off the handle
which sucks because i dont see any fucking handles to fly off of

anyway i guess if this is going to be a thing
and were going to be making this happen
sup freyr
you ready for this??

[Man, I've been in some pretty shitty dream bubbles...
... but this one takes the shitty cake of shitty cakes.
Like one of those five-tier shitty cakes that don't even look like shitty cakes.
Just five tiers of something that looks like it crawled out of Rose's crazy fanfic wizard porn,
Tentacles, beards,
and little crystal balls and sprinkles that are actually really supposed to be sparkles,
but it just looks like someone needed to use all the sprinkles before they went bad
because they couldn't afford to waste the 5 bucks they spent on the jar or something.
So they were like, "Hey let's make this shit sparkle!"
and dumped them all over the place.
Can sprinkles even go bad?

Whatever, it's cool.
I'm game.
Not like I have anything else better to do than to ride a meteor for three fucking years,
surrounded by a bunch of tools and sistertraps experimenting with spacewizard booze.
Speaking of sistertraps,
and her crazy fanfic wizard porn,
where the fuck are you, Drunky?
Man, I told you,
Should've slept that shit off.
Should've rescheduled your date.

Oh my god, I'm going to have to come find you. aren't I?
Find you, and then find that nice pile of suitably soft objects I was talking about for you to sleep in.
FYI, if you puke on my cape,
I'm pretty much going to be forced to fly off the handle.
Which sucks, because I don't see any fucking handles to fly off of.

Anyway, I guess if this is going to be a thing,
and we're going to be making this happen,
sup Freyr.
You ready for this?]

Comments

[nukeoleptic]

[ Dave. It's Dave! Dave is back. Oh my god Dave is back, and Jade couldn't be happier about it. ]

dave D:
rose isnt here
im sorry

[tipsygnostalgia]

[omg Dave YES.]

i am SO ready for this
bring it

[chronologistics]

[Dear fucking god, was Rose's booze so potent that he's tripping from just breathing that shit in? Keep your shit together, dude. Keep your shit together.]

yeah i got that after about ten seconds without seeing walls of homoerotic purple prose
hows it going harley

[nukeoleptic]

its going really well!!!
even better now that you are finally back
jeeeez
jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!

[chronologistics]

[Fuck yes let's do this.]

im bringin it im bringin it and its been brung
left your jaw hangin from the -- fifth rung
of this ladder youre climbin to just to get me but you see
there aint no catching me
because my beat is airtight and my words are a-light
like a fire in the sky
and this is anything but a fair fight
so lets hear it lets me see it
lets prove that you cant
beat it

[chronologistics]

wow because its not like i really missed all of your exclamation points or anything
thanks i guess
feels good to back
i just couldnt get enough of this place you know
and all this gray
light gray and dark gray and oh is that a black??

only not really because i distinctly dont remember being here

[nukeoleptic]

oh well
so that answers my next question, i guess
you dont remember this place huh :(
hi dave!!
we are in kind of a pocket dimension
people come and go, time stays still back at home
no one ever really remembers being here either

except i have been here half a year
and you have come and gone a bunch :p

[chronologistics]

yeah well
i guess that doesnt come as a surprise
seeing as im a kind of a big deal
got shit to do
universes to create

[nukeoleptic]

omg john is going to be excited :D
also your mom daughter is here
(i think she is already talking to you)
and some of the trolls!!

but otherwise its just the four of us kids

[chronologistics]

whoa whoa
hold everything
hold the horses
hold the phone
hold your junk

shes awake??

[nukeoleptic]

yes she is awake!
where are you???
oh
also when are you!

[longwinded]

if bringing it means one of your crappy raps then no way man.

[John is only partially pulling Dave's leg here.]

[chronologistics]

[You have no fucking clue how much he missed your blue font, John Egbert.]

its too late bro
were knee deep in it now
ive got two years worth of sick rhymes with your name on them
lets do this

[chronologistics]

haha oh man
the last time i saw her she was all sleepfloating above us
in her purple jammies
snoring like leatherfaces chainsaw
the mayor and i conducted a poll to find out if we should wake her up with a ball of yarn
but then the trolls started bitching
because thats pretty much all they do

[The feed flicks on, though Dave isn't in sight; he pans the bracelet around to give her an idea of where he's at.

He then pans the feed back to himself in the practiced way that someone who spends a lot of time taking selfies in the bathroom mirror would.]

Kinda hard to say exactly when. It gets all blurry after you've gone two-thirds of your three-year journey flying at an ungodly speed through space, surrounded by a bunch of trolls and a sister who's embarking on a weird interspecies romance.

[longwinded]

whoa man.
unless you're going to rap the last two years to me through text.
i think we need to be face to face.

[He missed Dave so much.]

[tipsygnostalgia]

[Five minutes later because l o l trying to rap]

oh shit would u look at that
he can follow thru after talking smack
hes got the skillz
its in his genes
trying to be the best asgards seen
but it was a losing battle all along
cause hes got no chance of beating his....

mom B)

hey dave

[chronologistics]

normally i wouldnt admit something like this
but i dont have time to act all coy and shit
thats the best fucking idea youve ever had

[longwinded]

so you're in the freyr district?
i could be over there lickity split.
faster than lightening.
even faster than you spit out rhymes.

[chronologistics]

[Ladies and gentleman, hands down, Dave Strider has the coolest fucking mom in the universe.]

whoa whoa
way to not warn for spoilers teenmom
im afraid im going to have to demand a refund on this movie ticket
and fuck no im not paying for the popcorn either
good to see you finally got your feet on the ground
my ears can now rest easy

[tipsygnostalgia]

let me guess
was i dreamsleepwalking
im ALWAYS dreamsleepwalking its all ppl remember me for
one trick pony
damn wish dirk was here he would appreciate the pony comment
at least you know who i am
but its been months since i did the floating thing

[chronologistics]

dude
i understand that suddenly basking in my presence after such a long absence is pretty overwhelming
and that it may cause you to experience mild delusions
actually in this case id say theyre pretty god damn severe
but look at your life
then look at your life choices
recognize the impossibility of this
now when are you getting your blueberry ass over here

[chronologistics]

no offense
but it was pretty fucking hard to miss
and we were thinking about bopping you on the head with some yarn
so you could wake up
probably would have done it if the trolls didnt start bitching
except we didnt have any yarn
though in retrospect it was probably a good thing we didnt
id probably want to sleep through all their bitching too
so lucky you i guess

[text]

[superissues]

tl;dr

but from the sheer amount of brightly coloured text I saw I'm guessing that you're from Roxy's world, and probably friends, so hey. I'm her room-mate, we're probably going to hang out at some point.

[bestestfurrend]

:33 < ooh
:33 < youre one of our humans, arent you??
:33 < hi!!

[text]

[chronologistics]

wow
the current level of amazement im feeling from actually talking to someone whos not inherently a dumbass
is pretty fucking awesome
the only thing that could make this better is if you told me
the possibility of getting my hands on some ice cold aj is more than fucking zero