asgardeventide | 011 [Video] | Forwarddated slightly to evening of day 149

[Castiel has just returned from a trip to Utgard, to find... Well, a mess, figuratively speaking. That leaves the question surely everyone else who had been out of the city has:]

What happened here while we were gone?

[They were only away a few days, after all, and it seems those who decided to go were fortunate. That of course casts some suspicion onto the timing of the trip, which was already considered a little shady, but that's a matter for a later time. He had things he was going to say during his next post, whenever it was to be, but it doesn't seem appropriate at the moment.]

The natives I encountered said something of an illness, and--

[He stops, suddenly, looking alarmed for a brief moment as he glances at something, then there's faint confusion and his expression returns to neutral before he continues.]

--and of the dragon from Muspellheim, but I am unclear on any details, or if further assistance is needed at the hospital.

[And if he should know anything before heading there. His expression flickers again, gaze snapping to somewhere just offscreen, but he looks back at the feed and seems about to say something further. Instead, however, he abruptly shuts off the connection.]

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[He's pretty well aware, in a way he hadn't been at home, how useful Sam's height was to him in a fight. Of course, he'd learned it the hard way during the Darkness attack, but he'd learned it.

He should have picked a taller vessel than Jimmy.

He nods, just slightly, at Sam's words; he remembers when Sam had been suffering his hallucinations, and what eventually had happened. How he would have died if he hadn't advanced in time while asleep. Castiel hopes this curse doesn't progress quickly enough to get to that stage; he has had enough of dying.]

I won't speak to anything I see that I am not certain is real.

[Of course, he's pretty sure that will be easier said than done, because ignoring the hallucinations might not be that possible. He realizes his chest hurts, and he looks down on reflex to see blood soaking through his shirt from a stab wound exactly where he'd sustained one during the Darkness attack. He knows it's not real, but that's not making it hurt any less.]

[He's silent, his frown deepening at Castiel's glance down at his chest. And Sam remembers how the hallucinations poisoned his head, how he almost shot Dean (the person he loves the most, the person who is his eternal rock) in a fit of crazy, because it got so bad.

And how Castiel doesn't have the luxury of everyone knowing why and how he's crazy, because -- ]

...you and Daphne should stay in different rooms until this is over.

[It's quiet.]

[He's resisting the urge to press his hand over his chest, because the injury is not real, and instead focuses on Sam's words. He's right, and that hurts as well, because he knows Daphne will be upset.]

I'll tell her what's happening.

[But not how it relates to at home. A curse that causes hallucinations isn't that farfetched to be out of the blue for her to be suspicious, he doesn't think.]

I almost shot Dean.

[It's quiet.]

It's for her own good.

I know.

[And he'd almost stabbed her not long ago because he'd been startled. He can't take the risk of doing worse to her because of hallucinations.]

She will be upset.

She's pretty stubborn for a really nice Christian lady.

[With a slightly sheepish smile, shaking his head a little.]

But she'll understand. Besides, it won't last that long.

She is.

Alright.

[He takes a breath, tense, but realizes the fake wound in his chest is gone presumably because he'd been ignoring it. That is encouraging.]

I suppose it will be necessary to tell Bobby, Dean, and Jo as well.

It might be a good idea, but if you don't want to, then I won't tell them.

[He coughs slightly.]

Dean's going to figure it out, though.

I know. They probably all will.

[Or at least that something is wrong.]

It's not an easy thing to hide.

[Somewhat ruefully, as he looks down at the ground.]

But like I said -- it's temporary. You'll get through it. I'll help.

If it remains like this, it is manageable.

[He just has to get used to what's going on, and then ignore it. It'll be fine.]

Besides focusing on a point that is real, is there anything to be done to deal with it?

That's the only way I managed to deal with it.

[He pauses before he extends a hand -- and on his hand is a deep scar, cut right across the center.]

Dean sewed that up for me. I pressed on it to remind myself that he was real and that everything else was fake. Digging into that made Lucifer go away because I remembered what was real... but it was only when I acknowledged him, talked to him, and worked with him -- that was when it got bad.

[He sounds rueful, almost disappointed in himself, for being so stupid as to talk to a Lucifer, trust Lucifer to such an extent -- but he is the Prince of Lies for a reason, even as a shade of himself, burnt into Sam's soul for eternity.]

Other than that, you just endure it.

[He looks at Sam's hand, and for a moment the wound is obscured by the Leviathan blood seeping from it, but he focuses and it clears away. He wonders briefly how Sam got it, then looks back up at the hunter to listen to his story.

He has to ignore the illusions as much as possible. He's got that, but he's not at all sure how well he'll be able to do at telling real from fake. Maybe he can go with pure logic, and his memory... And just assume nothing will change, which is a dangerous thing to delude himself into.

But what other choice does he have? He has to deal with this, and he needs to do it mostly on his own, because asking Sam to be involved with this too much is unfair to him. Sam doesn't need to deal with all of this again.]

Alright. It will likely only last a week. I can endure it.

[He's trying to reassure Sam, but it sounds distinctly like trying to convince himself.]

011 [Video] | Forwarddated slightly to evening of day 149

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