asgardeventide | 003

[Samantha opted, when setting up the feed, to go with voice only. She still looked like hell, and she didn't need anyone seeing or asking stupid questions. It wasn't their business. But, after speaking to Conan, she'd resolved that it was time to stop trying to hide from this place any further. When she spoke, her voice had a tired quality to it, but was still strong.]

So, Asgard.

I wanted to discuss something with those of you who will still speak with me right now. These powers that we have. Most of the people I see seem to think of them as a good thing, a blessing of sorts, or at least they partially make up for the tricks you had in your homeworlds. Right.

Here's the thing I wanted to talk about. Most I've spoken to seem to think of these powers as something that's being used to help other people around here, or to protect people that can't protect themselves. How do you people handle the fact that any of them can be abused, misused or mishandled? What do people around here do to prepare themselves to be protected if those powers get used for the wrong reasons? I've been thinking a lot lately about how people could protect themselves from some of these powers, and it worries me.

Not all of us are nice people, you know.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, good luck with whatever you do try. Really. I hope you can lead something like a normal life someday.

I'm not banking on it, but if I can figure a way not to repeat the last year of my life too much, then maybe I'll count my blessings there.

I know what you mean. It's hard to imagine change when something has been the same way forever. But it can happen.

We'll see. If... one thing isn't the case here, there's a chance, however slim. But I'm not assuming, not for now. No point getting my hopes up early.

I kind of know what you mean. I'm not much of an optimist either, because it does hurt so much to be let down.

...

Most of them seem confused by that sentiment. I just think of it as being realistic about my chances. I've been dealing with aggressive episodes for over a year, and lesser versions for years. Holding out hope just risks other people getting hurt that don't need to be in danger.

When I first got here... everyone was so friendly and helpful, and I didn't really want to believe that it was true. I was too scared of thinking I had friends, and then having everything go back to the way it was. It took me awhile to talk to anyone about back home.

Your situation's worse, though, so the stakes are even higher. I understand.

I'm not sure I'd say worse. Just different. I don't go in for comparing battle scars, Nakama. I just don't want anyone to deal with some of the crap I've dealt with. But, for me, I don't have problems believing some people around here actually mean well. It's just...

Saints die unpleasant deaths where I come from.

What do you mean? [There's an odd mixture of sadness and alarm in her voice.]

I'm from a world where good people die meaningless deaths. It's not that different from some brain surgeon dying in a drunk driving accident, only there's bastards out there that make it worse. I've seen good people imprisoned and turned against their friends, used as collateral against them.

Good intentions are nice, but when the world has monsters worse than me around, I worry more for them than for myself.

[There's a long silence, before Nakama finally speaks again.]

Where I lived, good people weren't treated all that well either. I've seen them be shunned, be tricked into their own deaths... but it won't stop me from trying to be the best person I can.

You won't hear me telling you to stop. You do what you've gotta do. I'm just not that noble a soul. I try to help the people I care about, but it's better if I keep that list short. Being a saint always seemed too risky for me.

Well, living a life like that would train you to be that way. I can understand that. The fact that you help those you care about still means that you're a good person, even if you can't reach out as much as others might.

I try, though it's hard to think that way. Thanks for the vote of confidence, but ... even if I'm not a bad person it doesn't make me not dangerous. Still, I won't give up trying, at least where I can.

That's good to hear. No one should ever give up.

Yeah, we're pretty much on the same page there. Thanks for the talk. I'll catch you around. If... if you see ... no, just hug him for me, and don't tell him it's from me. Or something like that. He'll talk to me when he's ready, if he ever is.

Hopefully he'll understand someday. It might be too much to ask, but it'd be better for both of you.

[She sighed and grunted once.]

It would, but I think he understood, at least in part, from the start. He... had no illusions when he came after me. Shou will be harder, I think. But, we'll see. I'm patient.

It's hard to watch a friend get hurt. You can't really be logical in the face of that. [There's pain in her voice, and a bit of shame.] But I don't think he's totally unreasonable.

No. You can't, and I sometimes wonder about people who insist that I should be logical in how I handle things. I'm... not mad at Shou. A little unsure if I should trust he and I in the same room right now, but I'm not mad at him. What he did was exactly what I expect a person to do. But I also don't expect it to be easy to make it up to him.

Do - do you want me to talk to him? He might be a little more accepting of it if it came from a friendly face, y'know? That's not really fair, but it's how most people are.

It might help, but I also don't want you sticking your neck out on my account. No point in making him more mad than he is. Look, just leave it be for now. If I really need the help, I'll talk to you, ok? I don't want to hurt you two's friendship over this.

Okay. I wouldn't mind doing it, but that's considerate of you.

Eh. Thanks. Gotta try and be a little less demanding one way or another. I've already put enough of a strain on things as it is.

I'm glad we got to talk, in any case. I'm sorry if I came on a bit aggressive.

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samantha_grey - 2012-08-10 03:00 (UTC) - Expand

whatagoodgirl - 2012-08-10 03:01 (UTC) - Expand

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