asgardeventide | 04. Quartus

All through your existence, there are many limits you are faced with. When you are a soul who cares for the shape of the things you like, that’s natural to happen. You feel like you need those things; you want those truths and limits and shapes and what you have in this world is very important, for they bring you comfort. You will not allow others to threaten those things. Self-preservation and individuality.

But when you do not care for your shape, when you do not care if you are alive or dead, and you can forget your truths that limit you and the world of shapes you live in, for you need nothing from this world, you become limitless. And so you can love unconditionally. I love you unconditionally, from the depths of my heart. [ so, when he told some of you that he loved you? Guess what. He means it. And it's unconditional love. He loves every single one of you, no matter how much you refuse it ]

[ a pause while he is trying to explain this the best way he can. Mostly, what he just said was an introduction. The actual “what the fuck, Kaworu?” begins now: ]

I do not understand the first. I never thought I would want to. To understand what individuality of a being is or to even seeing you all as individuals. I am trying to, though. And I know this is an individual desire; while difficult for me to understand it, I know I am able to fee it, at some level. [ another pause. To admit this is rather complicated, though most of you wouldn’t understand why. ]

I wish to learn individuality. I don’t think I could ever see myself individually, but I wish to at least see you and love you individually as well.

How, though? How can you see individually?

[ another pause ] How come it’s so important?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Do you know what crayons are?

[Norman is going to give a try at this, not that he's entirely sure what Kaworu is talking about. He kind of does and doesn't all at once.]

Yes, I do.

Okay, so basically everyone is their own shade of color. There's a lot of different colors and some might be really close to others, but there's just enough difference between them that makes them different. That's sort of like individuality. It's just finding the differences between people that make them unique compared to each other.

[ a small nod. Kaworu accepts that explanation ]

And that's important?

Well, yeah. If we didn't have any differences, we'd just be one color. [Keeping with the metaphor.] And we probably wouldn't even be a color. We'd be grey or something like that.

So, like, you might have a favorite color. Or some colors are used to color certain things. It'd be weird if you colored a sky brown...And some colors work better together? Like, uh...complimentary colors?

What if you like the colors all the same? What if you don't find a brown sky strange? And if all colors still look beautiful if they are all together?

I guess it depends if you're colorblind or not. Why would you like them all the same?

because I love unconditionally. There are no limits and no shapes.

So you love all the crayons because they're crayons?

It's fine to love everyone, but individuality is about differences and preferences.

So I won't be able to see it?

I don't know. Like I said, it's fine to love everyone, but...maybe you'll find some colors that become your favorites.

I do see two individually. But I don't love them "more". I can't weight my feelings like that. The same way I love each of them, I love the whole.

I understand why you would weight it, however. I understand why you have favorite colors. I just don't think I will be ever able to pick one.

Alright. Then if you already know two people as individuals, you're not too far off. I guess it's like...you have the box of crayons, and you know you'll like all the crayons, but you've only taken out two and really got to know what color they are. Or something like that.