backdated to D561 evening // semi-accidental audio

[windbreak]

Huh? [You may not recognise this one teenager's voice by itself, but it would be hard to miss the distinct tinge of nervous suspicion.] All of a sudden... H-How should I know where your stuff is? ...I dunno, left on someone's rabbit? Under the bed?

[That's the entire recording. This isn't the best day he's ever had.]

Comments

Audio

[tonsofpun]

... was this for me or something?

[windbreak]

[......

By the time he notices what went wrong, his voice is almost too small to clearly hear.] Iiiii think it's meant to make up for me kicking a puppy in my sleep or something.

[tonsofpun]

It's not even that bad. Doesn't it get exhausting always freaking out about everything?

[windbreak]

Dude, this is not the part I wanna freak out about...!

[And yet it moves. He sighs.] I-I mean, they just had to happen one after another... I can't even guess how many people heard the whole thing any more!

[tonsofpun]

Well, at least it's not like you just confessed your eternal love for Souji or anything.

[windbreak]

Th-That's exactly it! What if he notices I tried to talk to him...!? He'll totally get the wrong idea! Anyone would!

[tonsofpun]

Oh my god, you spaz. It's only weird if you go and make it weird, okay?

[windbreak]

[Ouch, his ego. Or what was left of it.] Now you're making it out like it's my fault!

[tonsofpun]

It usually is.

[windbreak]

Usually!? At most it's like half!

[He'll think to take a deep breath any moment now. But not quite yet.]

audio;

[feathery]

I dunno who this was for, but that was a hella cagey deflection, bro.

[windbreak]

Cagey...!? But dude, I seriously don't know! What am I, a laundry basket?

[He may need to swear off anything and everything that looks like technology for as long as he lives after today, but darn it, he has his dignity! ...Haha, dignity.]

[feathery]

Maybe more like a laundry cage, if they're lax about their height and width standards. So whose underwear did you steal.

[Davesprite thinks Yosuke might have left his dignity in place of any missing laundry.]

[windbreak]

Wha- [This may be truer than Davesprite could know for now, but truth hurts. Even more than comments on his height or width, both of which he's... pretty confident about, thanks! ...Pretty confident.] Like hell! Nobody's underwear! She didn't say anything like underwear!

[feathery]

[Yosuke...]

Maybe she hasn't realized they're missing yet.

[windbreak]

Because they're not missing, dammit!

[Hook, line and sinker.]

[feathery]

Well, not to you. You know exactly where they are, 'cause you stole them. But eventually the truth is gonna come out and you'll have a fuckload of explaining to do. Sooner than later at this rate.

[windbreak]

[This slapping noise, somewhat quieter than the rest of Yosuke's distress, is the sound of a palm hitting a head that wasn't fully prepared for it.] For the love of - ugh - no, no, no! Do you even realise what you're saying!? She'd shoot me before I could step out the room! A-And she has a girlfriend...!

[feathery]

[And Davesprite...laughs.]

Then you're even more fucked. But for real, you make this almost too easy, dude.

[windbreak]

[Meanwhile, Yosuke quietly contemplates what would be the least awful audio call equivalent of dropping a smoke bomb and fleeing into a ditch somewhere far away. Jerk. Like he's still owed a pizza after that.] Geez, don't act like none of it's your fault...

[feathery]

[Don't blush at him, Yosuke. He can't even see it right now.]

It would be an insult to my 'net persona if I took all the credit. I've got standards to maintain. An image to cultivate.

[windbreak]

[Pers- oh, yeah, that. At least he's already too flustered for a slightly longer moment of confusion to stick out much.] ... Innocent guys to pick on, you mean!

[feathery]

You incriminated yourself. I had less to do with your guilt than the innocuous pile of dog shit you last stepped in.

[windbreak]

[Davesprite can't see him glance downward on the other end of the line before remembering himself, either. ...But he totally did.] If I say yes to that, will you just freakin' let it go already? Like, forever?

[feathery]

Depends. What am I letting go, again.

[Conceal, don't feel, don't let them knoooooow.]

[windbreak]

[Too soon, dude.] I didn't say play dumb!

[feathery]

Fine. Contrary to popular belief, I have absolutely zero reserves of shit to release for you or anyone else. Especially dog shit. Where would I even get dog shit? Girls with doggy ears and dispositions don't count and that's not even getting into how rude a thing that is to imply.

[windbreak]

[There are words, and... he's mostly convinced he knows their individual meanings...

No, Yosuke gives up. And maybe should give up on this entire day, before this hole he's been digging collapses on top of him.] Y-You're right, I'm sorry... I seriously don't wanna say anything else to that at all.

[feathery]

Pop quiz: Do you know what you're apologizing for.

[Does Davesprite know what Yosuke is apologizing for...]

[windbreak]

[Does Yosuke ever know exactly what he's apologising for?] Uh, wh-what are you implying now...?

[feathery]

What do you think I'm implying. Jesus, you're such a perv. There are children on the network.

[This is all delivered with perfect deadpan.]

[windbreak]

[...That's what he gets for expecting the guy to get bored after a while and give up. He makes a small exasperated noise.] You're literally the only one bringing up any of that stuff!

[feathery]

[Yeah, when there aren't any giants to fight, Davesprite has only the network in lieu of the internet. The bird gets bored and even more insufferable than usual.]

Bullshit. I am being like a totally standup guy right now. I'm here to defend the honor of all those too fritzed out by network bugfuckery to do it themselves.

[windbreak]

Dude, I'm a victim here too, you know! [And he says it so pitifully you could almost believe the word choice.] There wouldn't be anything for you to pick on if he'd just taken his frickin' scarf with him!

["He"? He.]

[feathery]

[Yosuke, you gotta stop giving him more ammo.]

A victim of what. New innuendo for boxers? Does the object of your affections know you're so frank about your conquests.

[windbreak]

Aff...!?

[Even accounting for certain mishaps long before this accidental post, it takes a lot to set off a self-preservation instinct as scattered and malnourished as Yosuke's. Davesprite should get a gold star.

What he gets instead is a protracted splutter which probably isn't the noise of Yosuke's brain literally spraying out through his ears, followed by the feed cutting off. Oh well.]

[feathery]

[Davesprite gives himself a gold star and laughs.

Thanks, Brosuke. He needed that.]