asgardeventide | D539 (before the battle)

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D539 (before the battle) | Voice

... ugh.

[Ellie sounds... out of it. Not herself. Distracted, like she's been hit a few too many times in the head, or is somehow drugged up. She's finding her way but she's slow, like she's having to think about every word before she says it.]

So. Question -- how many of you guys have been in two places at once?

I think I was back in my... my world. For a while.

But I was here, too.

Anybody?

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[It helps. The crying quickly quiets into just tears, and Ellie covers her hand with hers to squeeze gently, wiping the dampness away, embarrassed by her outburst. Tris has never seen her cry before.]

( she feels awfully useless just standing there. all the comforting she knows how to do is written in Abnegation [service and quiet] or in Dauntless [distracting and diverting and risks and, often, alcohol], but neither helps her now. so she stands there and waits and can't do anything to help.

but then, ellie's been there for her in times like this before. she waits. )

[Sometimes, just being there is enough. Even accepting this much comfort feels like a weakness, but Tris's hand on her shoulder is keeping her together. She swallows hard and dries her cheeks, still not looking at her.]

... is it stupid? Caring about somebody who fucked you over?

I... I don't know. I don't think so.

( bites her lip. looks down. her hand on ellie's shoulder tenses for a moment. )

There were a lot of things my parents never told me.

( that one of them knew how to work a gun. that the other knew how to pull bullets out of people. she's working this out as she says it, too. )

I mean... it's not like that's all of what you've gone through together. And all of that still matters too.

[Ellie nods to herself, still wiping her cheeks, calming down. Just breathing.]

... he's the only person- the only one I'm not going to lose.

( that's a familiar kind of determination. so tris gives a small nod. )

Then, I mean- I guess you don't have to forgive him. But it'd make things easier if you could. At some point.

I hope so.

[There is a weight to her words, a shakiness. She wants to forgive him, to trust him, but she's been shaken so badly, she's not sure she can.]

( another nod. she thinks of home and thinks of her brother, the one person she would have never thought would betray her and who did anyway. she never tried to forgive him, or wanted to. perhaps she should try, too.

better to focus on something else. she grips ellie's shoulder tight and tries for a smile, which comes out weak. )

Looks like whatever happens, he's pretty determined not to lose you either.

[Shutting her eyes, she holds back the tears, swallows, and leans in to put her forehead against Tris's shoulder. She needs a moment. To do what, she isn't sure.

Maybe just hide.

Joel chose her. Over everything, he chose her. It's so fucked up -- but it's all she's ever wanted. Not to be alone.

Maybe that's where the guilt is coming from.]

( did she say the wrong thing? ... the right thing? it's impossible to tell. so after a moment, she wraps her arms around ellie and just holds on to her. it's a little tentative, like she's not sure if this is right, or okay, or in any way the thing to do, but it's still a hug. )

[Ellie is surprised by the hug -- Tris has never initiated one with her. For a moment she's all tight, trembling muscle, holding it back before she lets out a small, wet noise and clings to her.

She'd needed it more than words could say.]

( taking that for a sign that it was the right thing to do, tris holds her more tightly. everything's pretty messed up, and there's no fixing it. but when it's just the two of them, it's okay to take a moment to fall apart. )

[Ellie doesn't cry, but she needs this, this moment to be weak, to share the burden of knowing the truth with someone else. Slowly, her breathing evens out, and it becomes more of a hug than simple clinging.]

Thanks.

Hey. Sure thing.

( she's done as much for tris - which is the only reason she accepts the thanks and doesn't brush it off. she knows how much this can mean now. even so, she wishes there was more she could do. )

[Awkwardly, Ellie draws back, taking a few deep breaths.]

What do we do now? ... I've never just sat down and poured my damn heart out before.

( yeah this awkward disentangling sure is a thing. )

I... no idea, actually.

( which would be more funny if it was less awkward. )

[Despite the awkward, Ellie can't help but laugh. It's a broken, wet little sound, but once she starts, she can't seem to stop.]

Holy shit, can't we be normal about anything?

What would normal even be?

( now that ellie laughs, it's bubbling up in tris as well. )

Good point. We've got nobody to ask.

[And dumb as laughing at this is, it's getting her to relax, feel more like herself again. She desperately needs that.]

Since we're all nutcases here.

( tris knows what abnegation normal is, and she's got some idea of what dauntless normal is, but neither apply in asgard, anyway. so she'll just try and make light of it all if it helps. )

Loki really didn't think this one through.

... okay. New rule, if we spill our guts, we have to do something fun to make up for it.

... good idea. Uh, any suggestions?

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D539 (before the battle) | Voice

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.

action.