asgardeventide | 004 | audio; D496

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004 | audio; D496

[After having his bracelet returned to him, Soushi was having a difficult time readjusting to his current situation in the city. It was as thought all the memories, all the guilt, and all the emotions that were haunting him had returned at full strength; or, maybe, it had doubled in strength while he was grey. Whatever the case may be, he felt sick to his stomach. Very sick. But even so, he can be found sitting in one of the benches at the park, head lowered to the ground as he begins his latest transmission.]

...it would seem I have returned from the grey spell. I am uncertain over the length of time I had vanished, but it feels as thought it was a while... [There will be a pause before he admits.] ...my chest hurts, and I currently feel nauseous...

[Then there will be silence as he tries to find a neutral tone to his voice. Allowing his more formal tone of voice to return instead of the hollow and quite voice he was currently offering.]

What are the latest developments that has occurred or is occurring within the city? I haven't had the time to check the network as I....returned at this very moment. I would greatly appreciate to be told the latest news as I feel under the weather. [Then another pause until he remembers.] ...I won't skip my shift with the city patrol tonight, no matter how ill I currently feel...[He needed something to keep his mind off his current troubles and feelings. He wishes to ignore them as long as he is able to. That's why his job in patrolling the city was so important to him.

As he thought about his next set of words, there will be a long moment of silence as Soushi was uncertain over many things. He isn't certain if it was the guilt, current demeanor, or lack of readjusting to his current environment as he felt the need to ask an important question pertaining to friendship and self-worth. It was a question he has had in the back of his mind ever since he spoke to Jane about it. Honestly, he would normally never ask or even allow himself to be bothered by it, and yet he was. It was all so odd to feel like this.]

Before I end this transmission and if there is anyone still listening -- if you are, then I thank you for doing so -- I have a final inquiry to make. [A pause as he takes a deep breath before deciding to say.] Does an individual who has committed a heinous crime deserve to have friends even if they committed said crime in their home world and without meaning to? Would it be for the best for that individual to isolate themselves as punishment in this world? Would it be proper for that individual to cut all ties with all those surrounding him?

[And without saying anything else, he will end the transmission with a simple "thank you" as he no longer had the strength to keep speaking any more as he felt he would lose his stomach or himself as he thought about his master.]

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Overly so. Choice or no choice, I prefer if they weren't so quick in forming that type of assumption without consenting with the other party beforehand. Friendship is, what I consider, one of the most intimate relationships any individual will ever encounter and possess. Even more so than the relationship between lovers...

[It's funny how he finds friendship to be more important than the relationship between an unmarried couple. After all, there is a saying about it, isn't there?

And after a few moments of silence, as he needed the time to think over his next set of words, he'll admit the following to her.]

Trust is a far more comforting word than friendship. [However.] You aren't one of the individuals I question their choice when it comes to a topic like this one. I trust your judgement as much as you trust my own. And when I trust an individual, it isn't my place to ignore a specific trait if the other party doesn't do so. It isn't in my place to judge anyone nor abandon them for it neither. [Yup. He is admitting their friends and that he is cool with it. The closest he'll get to admitting it, really.]

Trust is more specific. It's possible to not trust a friend, but there's a hell in that, an unpleasant one where you've let yourself get close to someone you know can hurt you and you're not sure what will come of it. [She made a face at that, almost as if she were speaking to multiple issues he'd addressed at once in saying that one declaration.]

I prefer trust, though it's nice to also have someone who understands. ...And you're right. Lovers are easy, and you don't have to be in love to be them despite the term. It's just our bodies. [Then again, considering her needs, it was easy for her to conceive of a purely physical relationship, whatever she wanted otherwise.] I... think a romantic relationship that avoids sex almost says more in a way.

[sigh] But neither of us is really in a place to judge. We're both monsters, aren't we?

I'm accustomed to it. Having "friends" that I have do not trust nor possess any respect towards. I usually eliminate them before they get the chance to do the same or even get the idea for it. [And he almost killed one of his childhood acquaintances once he got in his way, but he didn't accomplish it because of the many outside forces that got in the way.]

Understanding and affection are luxuries one is fortunate enough to acquire. [Trust was more important than anything else. Along with respect, admiration, and curiosity.] ...I prefer it as well. A romantic relationship based more on the emotional connection is far more important than the physical. As you've said, the physical aspect is usually effortless to acquire unlike the emotional aspect. [The emotional ones that could surpass death is the one he wants most. After all.] ...I've witnessed the love beyond death...and grew envious over it... [It's the reason Ririchiyo got hurt, in the first place. He really was a monster.]

...I wish I could be constant the way that someone needs for that kind of love, honestly. It's a lot to ask with my hunger. [She sighed and reached up to brush her fingers through her hair.] Divorcing the physical and emotional is almost impossible with humans...

But you're right. I'm fortunate to have you around. I'd... like to think I'm at least a little helpful in return, even if not as much.

Humans have the habit of falling for their carnal desires far more quickly than any other emotion or instinct; especially whenever they feel attraction to the one they desire. [All said as thought he was speaking out of experience in that particular area which will leave a terrible taste in his mouth.] Depending on the demon type, they have better or worse time compare to a human. [He'll admit.] I can survive a decade without having to do anything...or more. [He can be a monk or a nun if he wanted to, really.]

I believe there are aliens or other species who can survive without it far longer... [Kinda. He has no idea if it were the case or not, but somehow he can imagine there might a race who do not need it.] But, even so, there might be someone out there for you that can offer the emotional support needed that won't have you hunger for them or you would control your hunger for them entirely. I believe the day you do find them, then you might have sincerely fallen in love with them.

[Then for her final thought, Soushi will take a moment to think about it again. He had to do a lot of that lately. His memory have been hazy at best, but he can look through them without much trouble.]

...you're a lot like Ayame-san. [And to further explain, he'll simply say with a soft smile.] Other than Ririchiyo-sama, Ayame-san is someone I hold the greatest amount of respect towards as she saved my life twice in two different lifetimes. That woman... [A pause to find the right word to use to describe his feelings for her.] I have great affection towards her as thought she were a mentor figure...even maternal. [So which he means to say.] You've helped me many times before and have great patience towards me as well. I rely on you more than I do with most as you're one of the few who know more about my situation... [In other words, he is agreeing with her.]

My kind, as you know... needs it more, and for the half-breeds, we get into all the human mess in the process along with the control issues. It's not really a surprise how rare it is we survive long.

[She sighed softly, shaking her head.] But, seriously? I really never think of myself as the mentor type. I ... well, thanks. That actually means quite a bit coming from you. I'm glad to have you around too. It's hard enough to find someone that understands these things, other than in theory.

As for love... I'm not sure. The hunger is like normal hunger for me. It never really goes away. [She glanced off.] Maybe if I tried being with someone and treated sex as something I did with other people... but I don't know that people would understand that well. It's not how they were raised.

It isn't surprising. The same can be said about the half-breeds in my own world. As long as we have no need to travel within the witching hour, then there is a chance one could live longer than expected. It's difficult living a life where one is always hunted down by both worlds -- human and demons alike. Sometimes even within our own community, someone could die by another half-breed's hands. [Life was difficult for both worlds, it would seem. Soushi could easily understand the short lifespan as he has died many times at a young age, even when he is known as the most powerful half-breed of his group.] ...it's always the more sensible and weaker individuals who seem to live longer than the strong...

It's somehow difficult to believe that you do not consider yourself the mentor type. [No, really, he means that.] You have the qualities of one. I would consider you the spartan style mentor. [All said with a light playfulness in his words.] There is no need to feel any gratitude over the matter. You deserve the title. I'm not the type to lightly refer to others with these type of matters... [He is still getting used to the idea of having friends and people he could actually trust. It really is difficult to believe whenever he thinks about it.]

You'd be surprise. I've met married couples who both share the same lover. [And.] They're both humans with no connection to our world. [Well.] More or less... [But that wasn't really the case, his point is.] There could be a possibility you'll meet someone who won't mind it. As long as you are honest over your true nature as a demon and its implications, then there might be someone who won't mind it. [Or better yet.] They could even consider the idea of having a healthy sexual relationship as well as an emotional one. Never turn down the possibility of it happening. [After all.] ...the world is massive and filled with many possibilities, sometimes even infinite... [That is.] At the very least, they do seem infinite if you only have a single life to live... [And there goes the small envy he has for those without the ability to reincarnate like he does.]

Spartan... is that a veiled way of saying that I'm a cruel task-mistress with little in the way of a sense of humor when I train people? [She snorted and smirked at him.] It would be true if that's what you meant. I don't know how well I teach many, outside of the basics though, but... thanks.

I'd guess, though, that my kind die in such droves as much as anything because there are no communities. We're that rare. I only ever knew one other, and she was almost human.

[She swallowed a little, shaking her head.] I'm never entirely sure, however, how to handle the idea of a polyamorous marriage or something similar. They always seem doomed to pain. But, who knows?

No. It's more in the lines of referring to you as a strict and sadistic headmistress than the former. [All said in good fun as he can't help himself from referring to her as a sadist. Although, he could tell she has some masochistic signs to her as well. How would his childhood acquaintance refer to her as, he wonders?]

...it might be for the best that you do not live in a community. [He knows the truth behind the so called communities in his own world. At the very least, there has been a high rise of deaths between those who live within a community compare to those who do not.] Living with two others by your side works better than living with a group of nine others or more.

I suppose you're correct to believe so. We're all selfish in a way especially when an individual falls in love. [At the very least.] I wouldn't wish to share my master with anyone. [Heck.] The very idea of allowing the pleasure for all men and women to even catch glimpse of her beauty and grace gives me the urge to slash their eyes and blind them for life. [And with a little more passion.] If they even get the idea of touching an inch of her body, I will break their hands off.

mmm, so I'm a sadist am I? [She laughed softly at that, shaking his head.] I'll have to live up to that one day.

and, you might be right... but at the same time that only works if we know not to feed too deeply... and if they can deal with being food. Not everyone wants to have sex that much, after all. It's like you said. We're selfish by nature, and sex only makes it moreso, along with the whole thing being exhaustive.

...
...

[She let out a small sound. That last statement had produced a reaction. The girl swallowed and she looked away.] Sometimes, Soushi... you are incredibly attractive.

I'm certain you'll make a wonderful sadist. [If not.] I could always teach you otherwise. I've been told I can be a brute whenever I feel displeasure with my students. [Ririchiyo ran away from him after trying to teach her etiquette lessons once as she wouldn't behave the way he wished for her to, and then there were the penalties he would give her whenever she gained three strikes. Needles to say, Ririchiyo trembled in fear by the end of a single day of lessons.]

You are correct. Sexual activity is quite exhausting. [And he can't help wonder now.] I do wonder if your libido is greater in your world than in this one as they are part of your demonic instincts, correct? [And he feels weaker in his current form. The deities have once told him that his demonic blood was currently being suppressed in strength.

However, upon listening to Sam's words over her opinion of him, Soushi will return his attention to her as a "fufufu" laugh will be offered. The very idea of anyone finding him attracting was a little amusing to him. He hasn't heard someone say any mention of it since high school. At the very least, his childhood acquaintance has been the only one to actively admit to it in both words and actions as of late. Which was a year ago.]

I do believe you are being far too generous with your thoughts of me, Grey-san. [After all.] I am simply a beast of burden. What is so attracting about someone as pitiful as myself?

Heh. Careful what you offer with me. [She laughed softly.] And my libido... it's hard to say. I haven't got a good frame to compare them with. With two different time periods in my memories it confuses me a lot, and I just stop thinking about it at times.

[She blinked at him, cocking her head. A swallow and she breathed out slowly.] For a demon, even a half-breed, the idea of how jealous you are about her, that I believe you really would break my hand if I even thought of touching her... I'm jealous of her. It's a rare thing to think of someone being that possessive of me, without some malicious intent like my father.

I'll keep it in mind for future reference. [Because he is beginning to realize that simply speaking over the matters seems to capture her interest all too quickly. It almost makes him wonder over the lack of control she must have back in her world if she had all of her abilities with her, but what really catches his attention is:] Two different time periods? [This might be the closest way Soushi will ever ask a woman for her age. He knows better than that!]

Jealous? [Well, that was...new. Normally people would find Soushi's possessiveness to be terrifying and unsettling. Hence the reason the group separated them, in the first place.] This is the first time I've ever had someone feel jealousy over the matter. [But, there are far more important matters at the moment.] Just like this is the first time you've spoken of your father, and from the way you mention his maliciousness, then I assume he is the one you inherited his demonic traits from...?

Yes, he was. [She sighed and shook her head.] I mention him sometimes, but I prefer not to talk about him that much. We share blood and he got involved in my life later, but we share nothing else...

And don't be that surprised, Soushi. The idea of someone being that jealous about anyone ... it's enticing in a way. [Just think of her relationship with Eridan for a moment.]

[Oh, it was that kind of situation, was all Soushi could ponder to himself as he couldn't help feel come envy over the matter. He has never met his parents -- neither original nor the humans ones he was reborn from.]

I apologize for bringing him up as a topic of conversation. [He should have known better, will be left unsaid.]

Even with those among my own kind, they find the idea of easy to feel envy and possessiveness over one's significant other to be unsettling to them. You're the first who understands and finds the idea, as you best described it, enticing. [He can definitely understand the idea because he feels the need to be as such with whoever he considered to be "his precious" in some way.] ...just as you feel jealousy over my master, I feel the same over the way my master is so devoted to my previous self... [A tiny pause before he admits.] ...up until the very end....

It's fine. The fool got himself killed finally, so it's just an unpleasant, old topic. That's all. It's not like he can really hurt me anymore.

[She leaned back and closed her eyes, sighing softly.] I'm not jealous over your master. I'm jealous of your master. The level to which you crave to be the only person she ever sees, loves... that you'd hate to share her with anyone, even if it was with yourself...

Is she dead?

That's wonderful news to hear... [Although, he can't help feel curious over the way Sam spoke over his death. After all, in his world, demons are immortals while in Sam's they do not seem to be. It was an interesting contrast.]

...he doesn't deserve her nor all those who currently have affection towards him. [That was all Soushi could say over his past self, even if it was himself, he hated that man with all of his heart. He hated everything about him!] I do not understand the reason he is looked upon so fondly. He is a liar, a manipulator, and lived his life deceiving and using all those surrounding him. Never once thinking about the consequences of his own actions and the effect it will have on all those surrounding him.

[He would continue on speaking ill thoughts over his past self if it weren't for the question Sam asked over his master's state. His expression will change to one filled with pain before he moves his hands to cover his face which is now showing Sam a nice view of the park from his position. All he could say is:]

...I...I only have a distant memory from my previous return to my world that...I was holding her in my arms as she goes limp and... [A deep breath, a very deep breath.] I returned to this world covered in blood...her blood and another individual's blood... [So, he'll just let Sam decide if she was or wasn't because for him she must be.]

[Oh they were immortal in hers too. Valefar done fucked up real bad to get himself ded. It was really complicated.]

It sounds almost as if part of this is regret as much as it does jealousy, really, and a loathing of yourself. I... can relate a little, though not completely.

But... I don't want to give you false hope. Just, remember this. I was given a vision once that my whole world was destroyed, only to go back and find out I was wrong. So, don't completely lose hope. Blood can be replaced.

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004 | audio; D496

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