asgardeventide | one

You know, if you're going send a lady home and then bring her back again you could make it a little nicer for her. Maybe try and keep things the same? Just a small request from yours truly. At least I have Bee now - though I think he's going to have to take a little time to get used to Fenris.

[ And, from behind her, there's a sharp, loud bark as something comes and nudges at her feet - a rather large dog, nuzzling at her hand and distrupting the video feed for a moment. Hawke rolls her eyes before she shifts down - you might be able to see a nug behind her, if you squint. ]

Bee, we can go and get him soon. Go and settle, okay?

[ And the dog huffs out a noise, almost as though frustrated, before he trots back to curl up out of sight. ]

Speaking of... [ Her expression turns a little sour and her eyebrow lifts a little as she peers into the camera. ] Has anyone seen my dear friend Anders? There's a few words I'd like to have with him. Otherwise -

[ A smirk, hiding the frustration and anger she's feeling. ]

Anyone for a drink?

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[ Hawke glances at the bracelet before she shakes her head and goes to feel around his jaw, wincing a little. Maker, she probably broke it... Talk about not knowing her own strength. Whoops. ]

You're lucky I haven't killed you yet, as you deserve. Perhaps I should - you'd come back either way, wouldn't you?

[ Her hand drops to her lap, fingers clenching. ]

I can't rationalise you anymore.

[He winces as well, flinching under her touch- ow, yes, definitely more than bruised. He'll get that taken care of later.]

I might not stay dead, no, but if it would help you to do it-

[Anders shrugs one shoulder, still not looking at her face. He'd expected to die for it, should have.]

[ Hawke sighs, shifting and dropping her greatsword without much concern before she reaches to grab at his bag - she's sure he has something in here that'll help for a moment. ]

I'm not going to kill you for the fun of it, Anders. I'm not like that.

[ A pause, then she laughs to herself. ]

Though I suppose that doesn't mean much to you anymore, does it?

What, death? I still wouldn't enjoy it.

[He finally glances to her, a brow raised. All things considered, this is... still better than he expected; at least that anger has faded outwardly, and he'll accept that as a good sign.]

Nor did I expect you to do it for fun.

No. Who I am, or my trust - or your trust in me. None of that matters to you anymore.

[ She presses her fingers against his jaw to find the weak spot before she roots around for something to sort him out. Nothing that would take away his pain, because he deserves that, but something, at least. ]

[He forgets for a moment, starts to protest aloud without even thinking, leaning forward-- and then winces heavily, the sound dying into what would probably have been a curse if he bothered opening his mouth again.

The typing's more forceful this time, not angry but certainly with more drive.]

Of course it matters. You know you matter more to me than any other, in this world or our own- their trust is nothing, if I have yours.

[There's another brief hesitation there.]

I regret losing it, but I can't regret why. Some things are more important than either of us.

Don't you dare. How can you tell me that I matter when you did what you did, Anders?

[ Her fury is palpable, now, and she would reach out and give him another broken bone if she didn't feel so bad about the first already. She grips at nothing, swallowing back all her frustration before she takes a deep breath, counting backwards from ten. ]

You didn't just lie to me at home, Anders. You lied to me here, let me tell you things that worried me, let me be close to you, knowing -- knowing that you would do this to me, to our home, without any second thoughts, because you dared not compromise.

[ Her head lifts and her lips purse for a long moment, expression hard. ]

You didn't just destroy my trust in you, Anders. You destroyed my home and what little family I had left. Nothing is more important than that, than the dozens - no, hundreds of lives you took that day.

[That- takes him by surprise as much as the punch did. He'd thought the reasons for that would be obvious enough, and there's no response for a few moments, taking them to just think (and to let her maybe simmer down juuuust a bit. Maybe.)]

I meant to tell you. But knowing what you'd come from-

It didn't seem right to do it so soon. Not without giving you time. Maker knows Kirkwall and its endless problems didn't want to allow you much of it.

[It's left at that. There's not too much to expand on, no other excuses to make.]

[ Hawke closes her eyes, breathing out again, counting again - because he is so frustrating, deliriously so, and she wants to whack him around the head a few more times until he understands how sickeningly painful this is for her. She never wanted any of this, all of this weight on her shoulders (because she knows she is the one that enabled Anders to do all of this, she is the one that gave him the power, the strength, the access).

The blame was as much on her shoulders as it was on his. ]

My birth means nothing. Did you think I wouldn't understand? My father and sister were apostates, Anders. I spent my entire life protecting her from Templars until she was ripped away from me because of my own idiocy. I watched innocents be tortured and hurt because of the world we live in and I was working to fix it! What you did ended up with nothing more than more problems.

[ She swallows, leaning back and sitting on the bed, staring him down. ]

Do you think the Templar Order is going to simply ignore what happened in Kirkwall? That they will hear the tales of the blood mage First Enchanter, the destruction of holy ground, and let it slide? You have created nothing more than an excuse for the mass slaughter and execution of your kind, Anders - and that won't be on my shoulders. That will be on yours, for your own ignorance and foolishness. You didn't just kill random innocents and Templars that day; you set the path for thousands of your brethren to die in your stead.

Edited (hawke is a woman i s2g she isn't hiding anything) 2014-02-19 01:41 (UTC)

[Most of her words are an argument he can have at any time- he takes them silently, as he has been, stifling the rush of words that immediately come to mind to try to refute her own. He knows what he's done. Knows he's begun something that'll give them the chance to truly live, or at least to die in the pursuit of freedom.

But that's not what he needs to correct right now.]

You already know what my answers would be, Hawke. But I never meant your birth.

[Another hesitation there. He isn't sure it's something he really ought to touch on- but if she wants honesty of him?]

I don't expect you to believe me when I say that I would never have purposely hid this from you simply to hope you wouldn't find out, but... I meant what had just happened in Kirkwall. Losing your mother. How could I burden you with this so soon after?

I never wanted to hide it from you, only to give it time. To give you time away from all of that before I laid more of it on your shoulders. I never expected you'd return home and learn of it yourself.

You should have told me, Anders.

[ She purses her lips, hand dropping to clench on her lap, fingers shaking a little before she breathes out. ]

You should have thought. You had so many chances, Anders. You could have mentioned it a dozen times or more. Don't use my mother as an excuse to hide your own faults, not when we both know that it didn't stop us from our adventuring at home.

[ It had broken her spirit, certainly, and ripped her heart out, stomped on it, made her feel like she was going to be violently ill, but -- ]

You were a coward and you want me to give you the easy way out of it, to dismiss what you did as you wanting to do something good for me. We both know that's not true and I'll hit you again if you try and say it.

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