asgardeventide | seventh bite | anon text / action

[ most of the time, natasha could keep her guilt to a bare minimum. she could tell herself, "i didn't know" or "i was a pawn," and maybe that would get her through the day. maybe she could say that her life was worth it because she was atoning for her debts through her work with SHIELD, saving lives one life at a time. her ledger might be dripping red, but there would be enough time; with her expanded lifespan, she would have the rest of whatever time she had left to pay back those she'd hurt.

today, however, it was unbearable. she'd heard rumors about the apple trees around the city and never one to trust the word of others, she'd thought to try it herself. it had only taken a bite before the apple had dropped out of her hand and she'd fled, into the shadows of an alley, up a roof, and somewhere safe.

somewhere dark. somewhere high.

that was earlier. it's now evening and she's sitting at a bar, swirling a liquid in her drink that smells to high heaven and certainly does not look like water. to those that know her, she's looking more morose than usual, hard lines in her face softened to something that resembles grief. ]

if you did something so horrible that you hurt many people, but you spent the rest of your life paying for it,
how long would you have to pay before it was undone?

[ anonymous red text makes an appearance on the network. natasha swirls her glass. the world is quiet. ]

ooc: my late contribution to the Fruits of Our Labor Event! feel free to respond to natasha in person (action) or on the network!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Steve's been making a little money doing odd jobs around the city, not looking to sit idle but equally unwilling, given the Welcome Hall's provisions, to commit to anything steady until he has a better feel for the local arts community and whether he wants to be a part of it. Some of the money he's earned so far is the funding for tonight: an experiment in seeing what other effects of the super-soldier serum are no longer part of his life, particularly the part that keeps him from getting drunk.

Spotting Natasha at the bar is a pleasant surprise, even if she's looking a little rough around the edges, so Steve makes a beeline over to her. Drinking is always better with friends, after all.]

Mind some company?

[ it .. sort of surprised her to see him here. after all, this bar wasn't exactly the best in town and rogers was .. captain america. wasn't it a rule that he had to drink liberty or something to get drunk? still, it wasn't bad to see him; just different and after a moment of staring at him blankly (uncharacteristic for her), she nodded, pushing the other bar stool out with her foot. ]

Not at all. Are you actually going to drink?

[This bar might not've been the best in town, but it wasn't the worst Steve had ever set foot in, either. He almost felt downright comfortable here, if not more outgoing than usual, and took a seat on the offered stool. If Natasha really thought it was so strange, well, she'd just have to get used to it.]

I'm told that's the point of bars. [See that? He even ordered a drink, not quite as foul to the nose as hers but still strong.] Everything going okay? You look a little... [uh, what's a good word? Rough, rough's a good word.] Rough.

[ normally, she might be drinking something a bit classier; maybe even a glass of wine or a mixed drink, but this? this was something meant to get her completely and absolutely incandescently drunk, in no short order. and it was mostly doing the job - she was most of the way there. ]

[ she snorted at his quest, nearly finishing her drink in one go. was she ok? hm. no, probably not. but. ]

Don't eat the apples.

[ was her response finally, before she lapsed back into silence for a few moments. then, abruptly: ]

Have you read the file SHIELD has on me, Captain?

[It's a little late for a warning about the apples, but neither of the ones Steve ate would drive a person to drink. Unless she got something personal from a teal apple, but...

Answering her question was probably the quickest way to clear things up.] Haven't seen the need for it yet. You know your way around a fight and you stuck with us when we needed it. Everything else is just background.

[ just background. just really important background; like she was on the wrong side during a war he fought in, like how it took years for her to defect, like how she was under the influence of the same super serum he was at lower levels (developed by the soviets, of course). and then the years spent killing and killing.

only steve rogers would say that was background. ]

We're close to the same age, you and I. Did you know? You're only a few years older, not that it matters.

[ she downs her drink, tapping the bar for another. ]

I've .. done a lot of things I'm not proud of.

[Steve drinks from his own glass, sets it down, and then drinks again. He's really not sure what to do here, but Natasha's still one of the only people here he actually considers a friend right now, so he should at least try.]

I promise to put a hold on being judgmental if you want to talk about it.

[ have a long, searching look, captain. trusting him to watch her back, to fight beside her, in a way it was different from trusting him with her past. it was a long, complicated story with a surprisingly familiar cast of characters, and he may not be ready to hear it - beyond that, it could irreparably damage his ability to trust her. how could he trust her if he knew that she'd once worked for the enemy? that she'd killed americans (and more)?

the bartender brings her another drink and she sips it to prolong the silence. ]

I'll tell you one day. I'm not sure here is the right place. But...

[ her brow furrows. ]

Before working for SHIELD.. I wasn't quite so picky who I worked for. I killed a lot of people. [ pause. ] Some of them innocent. Some of them not. It's not always the easiest thing to live with.

[A nod of acknowledgement: there are conversations you don't have surrounded by dozens of drunk strangers unless you're real drunk yourself, and he gets the feeling he's nowhere near that point just yet.]

Why'd you stop, then? And why'd you start, I guess, but the stopping sounds more important.

Clint.

[ it's a simple enough answer; the history is a bit more complicated. loki heard the abbreviated version of this story -- she wasn't in the mood to give the long one, with the more sordid details. ]

SHIELD sent him to kill me. He saw something else in me, took me back to them instead. Lobbied Fury to give me a chance as an operative; was my babysitter for months until I was trusted enough to work on my own. Even after, we were partners. [ the only one she let work with her. ] I was at a dead end, doing the work I did. He gave me a way out.

seventh bite | anon text / action | backdated day 323

in person aw yeah

aw yusss

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