001 [Video]

[fredless]

[In one corner there's a small pile of fluff, just barely visible. Worn and repaired a half dozen times at least, if somebody got close enough to hold it they'd easy feel the stitches that reunited one ear with the rest of it. Poorly done stitches at that. Child-like, even. But incredibly determined. It's clearly showing it's age with an apparent need for glasses. At least it's not bifocals.

His name is Feigenbaum.

And Fred had pretty much counted on never seeing him again.

He'd kept her company on that incredibly long drive into L.A., a familiar face to come home to when everything else was so new and different. Heck, without him it wasn't even home. Just an unfamiliar bed topped with unfamiliar sheets in an unfamiliar house. All of it, smelling like nothing. That's one of the hardest parts, she thinks then, curling up at night and being surrounded by things that all smell like nothing. That made her feel nothing. Everything except for him.

And then, suddenly, she was nothing. (Because when you forget your own name, that's a lot how it feels) For five years it was a different kind of emptiness until they came and brought her back. Back, not home. Because Fred had been absolutely certain home wasn't something she was meant for anymore. She didn't fit into the spaces that she'd left behind. She was the unfamiliar thing now.

But somehow they found her anyway. And somehow they still knew. And even if it wasn't alright? It was better And better felt like a whole heck of a lot. The next time her folks came to visit they brought Fiegenbaum with them, and it was only right then as Mama pressed him into her hands that Fred remembers properly thinking of their version of the story.

A daughter, suddenly gone. Having to make that same trip into L.A. only with just their own thoughts and fears as company. And finally having to pack up her things, to bring them back home instead of her. He feels branded with it now, Feigenbaum. Somewhere in all his mottled fur and wide-set eyes, it's there. All those feelings. Hers, and theirs.

And her folks feel incredibly far away]

Why do the things that make us feel better make us feel so much worse?

[Fred blinks, as if realizing what she's doing]

...and why am I even rambling about this here?

Comments

[forgetyourusedtobe]

Feeling a little homesick?

[fredless]

[It doesn't even matter so much it's not a voice Fred immediately recognizes]

Just a bit.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

[Elena sighs a little.]

Me, too. The little piece of home didn't exactly help.

[fredless]

It's not a case of misery loving company. Fred doesn't want anyone being miserable. But then...the saying had to come from somewhere didn't it?]

You too?

voice.

[likethetragedy]

Items of sentimental value don't discriminate between the good and bad. They just make us feel whether we want to or not. [She would know as the casual wearer of jewelry originally belonging to a woman long dead.]

And I assume you're bored... or lonely. Maybe both. [She isn't making fun of Fred if Elektra's soft monotone is any indication.]

voice.

[fredless]

[It's a voice Fred recognizes, but it's not particularly one to make her feel better]

I'm not bored.

[But of course, she's not denying the rest of it]

voice.

[likethetragedy]

[That's confirmation enough for her. She supposes she could keep her company.] Is it a family heirloom?

voice.

[fredless]

More like a childhood friend.

[video]

[shinybaldhead]

.. hey. You in your room?

[video]

[fredless]

[Softly, because he already hears more than most]

...yeah.

[video]

[shinybaldhead]

How d'you feel about some company?

[video]

[fredless]

[There's a small, quiet moment]

You sure it won't make you feel too twitchy?

video

[daddyissues]

[ Connor doesn't have an answer to the question, but he's worried about Fred when he hears it. ]

Blue apple..?

video

[fredless]

[Her chin lifts just a little]

Sounds like you know the drill.

Re: video

[daddyissues]

I got something from home, too.

video

[fredless]

Really? [And because his home is her home....mostly?] Do I know what it is?

[visiongirl]

I'd hardly call one or two sentences rambling.

[Pause]

Are you okay, Fred?

[fredless]

[Because it's Cordy? She'll be honest...

...ish? Honest-er?]

I'll get there.

[visiongirl]

If there's anything I can do to help, you know all you have to do is ask, right?

[fredless]

Mostly I'm just feeling crazy selfish how happy I am knowing you're here to ask at all...

[Cordy'll understand]

[Video]

[comeonthensexy]

Because they remind us of another time.

[Video]

[fredless]

[There's something a bit misty, right in the back of her throat. But for all that it still feels dry and dusty at the same time. It's just plain silly, and Fred does her best to stamp it down]

...sounds like you've had a run in or two of your own.

[Video]

[comeonthensexy]

Haven't we all?

video;

[reaction]

I know I'd think it was all kinds of sucky if all I got was a childhood bunny and not some money.

video;

[fredless]

[Most days she might work rough this in a slightly friendlier manner. But this isn't 'most days']

It's a good thing you're not me then, isn't it?