13th Mishmash ~ [Video]

[comeonthensexy]

[ It's not often that the Doctor is angry.

Or, well. He's often angry, but he doesn't often show it. This time, he is. It's incredibly confusing to disappear for a while, and then come back and have all these new memories flood into you. He was fine, he was better, Clara made him better, and then.

Then he had a bad day, then he came back here, and he remembered again, remembered Amy, and losing her. Again. Losing Oswin. Clara, except not. Again.

And that's all that matters.

So he's angry. Furious. There's a fire in his eyes that would strike fear into those that could have entire galaxies tremble in their shadow.

Doesn't mean much here, won't mean much back home now that hardly anyone even remembers him, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care what it means, doesn't even think that it doesn't mean anything. Because Amy and Oswin are gone, and that is all that matters. ]

Bring them back.

[ That's it. And he will not take silence for an answer. ]

((OOC: This is more on the placeholder-y side because I'll be pretty busy until tomorrow sometime, but I wanted to bring him back today. So shoot me.))

Comments

[hullo_sweetie]

[At first River was relieved just to have him back, but the fire in his eyes and the rage in his voice told her just about everything she needed to know.

He had progressed in his time line to the point where Amy and Rory had been taken from him. Perhaps even further, judging from his clothing]

Doctor...

[The note of pain in her voice must have echoed. It felt like she was back in the TARDIS, watching him struggle to absorb an ending he had never anticipated]

[comeonthensexy]

[ Oh.

For a moment he forgot about River.

Or maybe he didn't think too much about it because he only ever looked at the contact list for Oswin and Amy. Didn't really want to... He didn't want to know.

It hurts too, seeing her. Hearing her voice, his name on her lips, the way only she says it. His name, no "sweetie", no "love", no jest. She knows. She can see it, read him like she so stubbornly learned to do.

...

He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. ]

Don't give me that.

[ Leave him alone. Go away. He can't do this. ]

[littlesoul]

[River studies the feed with a muted expression. She sees his hanger but doesn't shy away from it, doesn't cower or hide. It makes her sad to see him this way, breaks her heart a little and she moves, fingers brushing the feed in an attempt to offer comfort from far away.]

Sorry.

[fantastix]

That's what I tried.

Maybe I didn't try enough.

[hullo_sweetie]

Where are we in our time line?

[Because she knew that look on his face and when he directed it to her, her heart sunk in her chest. She knew this day would come eventually, but she had steadfastly hoped it wouldn't be this soon]

Doctor, answer me.

[comeonthensexy]

[ Sometimes it seems like she doesn't fear anything. River in blue. It's not true, it's never true, and perhaps it's more often than not that his anger doesn't get to his friends. But this is... different. Everything she is and does has always been different. Special.

He almost crumples. Feels tired, suddenly, more than angry, and drops his head, lowers it, rubs his hand over his face. Sorry, she says, and it's funny how such a tiny, useless word can be so, so important. Sorry doesn't fix anything, doesn't change the past or the future. Where does its power come from?

There's nothing for him to say, not really. And in any cases, River doesn't need words. ]

[comeonthensexy]

They're liars. Or they're not trying enough. I won't take it anymore.

[fantastix]

They just happened to let our partners slip out of their grasp, just like that.

Nothing's wrong, nothing at all. Nope.

[He deliberately enunciates the last word with a pop. There's an eyebrow twitch.]

[comeonthensexy]

[ She knows. She can already tell and anything he says or does will just confirm it to her. People would say he might as well just answer.

But he can't. He can't have this discussion. ]

The ice.

Last I remember, there was ice. Frostbite that couldn't be healed. What happened?

[littlesoul]

[he looks so weary all of a sudden, so drained and done and ready to fall. She wants to be there for him, to wrap an arm around him and let him lean on her.

He's a friend, he's someone she can come to trust, she believes in him, if only a little bit. The very least she an do for him is to be a rock while he fights through his storms.]

Let's play a game. [It's more of an offer than anything, an attempt to reach out to him and give him something, anything, to focus on.]

We can find each other and play games until we can't think of anything else. Fill our heads with something silly and pretend, if only for a day, that things are all right.

[comeonthensexy]

...Rose too?

[ Shit.

He rests his head briefly against his hand, takes a deep breath. ]

How is that a coincidence? They can't. Pass it off like one every single time. How many of our people in a few weeks? Five. Mel, Martha, Oswin, Amy and Rose. If they really think--

[ It's rubbish, that's what it is. ]

[fantastix]

I asked around a bit. A few others have lost people. Maybe it's 'cause there was more of us to start with. More of us to lose. But I wonder.

[comeonthensexy]

[ Had it been anything else, it would have been different. Had it not been Amy and Clara, he might have answered differently. And he appreciates the gesture, the attempt at comforting without words. Words are lies and deceit. He lies with words all the time.

Maybe it's exactly what he needs, maybe he should take it. There are a lot of things he should.

But.

He's silent for a long while, but he can't make himself. Or doesn't want to make himself. He needs to be here when a god answers. ]

Sorry, River. Not today.

[littlesoul]

I can find you anyway. Sit and not talk. Or talk. Or play at being different or play at being exactly who we are.

Whatever you want.

[She's trying, trying so hard but she's never been great at comforts and she's not sure what he needs right now. Not sre if she's even the right person to be doing this.]

[comeonthensexy]

How many is "a few"?

[comeonthensexy]

I think it's best if you don't.

[ Which, of course, doesn't mean she can't go ahead and do it anyway. He's not outright saying no, he's not sure he should actually be alone, probably shouldn't. His friends would tell him not to be, but at the same time, anyone who would isn't here.

Well. Aside from River in Gold. The one that hurts. And that's a whole other matter, then. ]

[hollowchild]

[ she's relieved, relieved to see him, that he came back after all, and that settles poorly behind her ribcage because he isn't relieved, he's lost and angry and his people are lost and there is nothing to be done about it.

the only person she knows who might really hate helplessness more than she does is him. ]

Doctor.

I'm sorry.

1/2

[comeonthensexy]

Sorry doesn't bring them back, sorry doesn't stop people from slipping out of my grasp over and over, sorry doesn't do a damn thing. It's just an empty. Word.

[ Except it isn't. It doesn't have to do with the word, with the apology. It has to do with her, with them, with everything they haven't actually sorted out yet, everything he's ignored before but now...

Maybe she understands him better than anyone, really. That is, anyone that isn't the TARDIS, and anyone that isn't the kind of person that would starve psychic pollen because there's no darkness to feed off of them. It could feed on Sophie, he knows that. He picks his friends with great care, he said, and here he is, with someone almost-- No, definitely frighteningly like him.

He's terrified, he supposes. Could he be blamed for that? ]

2/2

[comeonthensexy]

[ He sighs, heavy and weary, and shakes his head as he rubs his fingers over his forehead. ]

No. No, I-- I'm sorry. Thank you.

Re: 2/2

[hollowchild]

[the last time he'd yelled at her, sophie had flinched back. this time she doesn't, she just waits and hurts for him, because this time she knows he's not yelling at her. he's yelling at the gods and fate and the fact that no matter how hard one struggles, no matter how hard one tries to be good, nothing is ever fair, nothing good ever comes without the corresponding hurt. ]

I know it doesn't. It's just what I am.

I thought you might have gone too.

[i missed you, is what she means. i was scared you were gone and i'm still here. ]

[seethelanterns]

...Doctor?

[He looks pretty mad. She's not sure who exactly 'them' refers to, but assumes it's some of his friends.]

video.

[sexyoldgirl]

[Not good. He's so very angry but she's not scared. Most people should be but then again, she was never "most people".]

[She can't make it better. She can't bring them back for him and it breaks her heart to see him hurting so much. He won't want to talk about it, he rarely does when people are gone.]

[But there is still something she can do. Something she's always done when he's lost someone. She can be with him.]

Where are you, dear?

[It's not said unkindly, but it's definitely firm. She won't leave him alone.]

[Video]

[5thchild]

I'm sorry.

[necrowmantic]

Hey hey, who're you talking to?

[Ignoring the anger.]

[fantastix]

A lady Guinevere lost her knight. Samantha's lost friends again and again. And there's more I haven't talked to---they're here, on the network, though it's on the fritz at the moment.

[He looks resigned, miserable]

How long until Jamie and Charley get lost?