007 ♒ Video

[fishdouche]

[The video feed settles on the grey-skinned troll as he runs a hand through his violet streaked hair.]

You knoww, a lot a' you complain about fightin' in this wwar, gettin' dragged here against your fuckin' wwill. But wwhat I wwant to knoww is wwhat the fuck happens wwhen it's all ovver.

[Eridan is surprisingly somber, a hint of a frown tugging down the corners of his grey lips as he stares down the screen. His fins are slightly drooped, and he chews on his lower lip for a long moment before continuing.]

Wwhat happens to those a' us wwho don't havve a univverse to go back to? My fuckin' planets gone, and considerin' this scar around my gullet, I'm not bettin' that I get out a' encounterin' Kan's chainsaww alivve.

[He's not going to let them send him back to die, no matter how impermanent it might be in his universe.]

I'm not fuckin' goin' back. Not to Alternia. Not to that fuckin' sack-a-wwhale-entrails  of a meteor.

[He had finally come to that decision this morning. He's not going back. And Gl'bgolyb help the god who tries to make him.]

So wwhat are my other options?

Comments

[fishdouche]

Uh, duh.

[He's offended that you even have to ask.]

I'm Eridan Ampora. I single-handedly killed a' entire species! Just because I fuckin' could.

I'm one a' the best Orphaners a' my age. Of any age.

[He wishes.]

[getinthechariot]

Orphaner? That's quite a cryptic thing to call a soldier.

[fishdouche]

More of a'... privvateer than a soldier. I don't take fuckin' orders from anyone.

[Except the Condesce.]

[getinthechariot]

Ah - so you're a pirate.

[fishdouche]

Privvateer. There's a difference.

[getinthechariot]

I'm afraid I'm not sure of the distinction.

[Rider is too straightforward to employee privateers. He basically just takes whatever he wants anyway]

[fishdouche]

I'm employed, not some fuckin' rebel scum.

[He sighs, clearly put-upon to even give the half-explanation.]

Anywway. Wwe got a accord, right? Neither a' us is goin' back.

[getinthechariot]

Then you're paid by your Empress to be a bandit!

Indeed! Shall we drink to it?

[fishdouche]

Drink to it...

[He blinks.]

So you drink often then?

[getinthechariot]

Of course I do! Do you not?

[fishdouche]

Nevver drank before, except for a glass or twwo a' wwine.

[getinthechariot]

Now that is a tragedy! I imagine you have an aversion to alcohol for some reason as well?

[Like Waver Velvet, gosh. What's with these young men/trolls nowadays?]

[fishdouche]

Alien, remember? Wwe got our owwn, far superior vversion a' soporifics. I'm not evven sure the human stuff wwould wwork on me.

[He shrugs.]

[getinthechariot]

Is that so? How strong is it?

[See, he's just thinking it's like... SUPER BOOZE]

[fishdouche]

[He shrugs.]

I'm not like Gam or wweird fucks like him. I don't eat my sopor. I sleep in it.

But it's enough to keep him from goin' all murder-rage on evveryone beloww his hemocaste. So, it's got to be strong.

[getinthechariot]

I don't think I understood that exactly, but you're saying it's something like a sedative?

That doesn't sound much fun at all.

[fishdouche]

Sedative, hallucinogenic, I don't fuckin' eat it, so I don't knoww. Wwe sleep in sopor on my wworld, to keep our daymares awway, but Gam wwas dumb enough to start eatin' the stuff.

[getinthechariot]

Ah, then no. Wine is only for drinking, not... sleeping in.

[fishdouche]

I figured. It's not nearly as strong...

[He might have tried to sleep in a bathtub of alcohol once or twice.]

[getinthechariot]

That largely depends on the quality of the wine!

[fishdouche]

Still, wwhat I wwouldn't givve for a 'coon full a' sopor. A good day's sleep wwould be amazin'.

[getinthechariot]

A day's worth of sleep? Is that when you sleep?

[fishdouche]

Wwhen else?

[He will never adjust to this weird diurnal schedule.]

[getinthechariot]

During the night, of course! You don't feel energetic during the day at all?

[fishdouche]

[He wrinkles his nose.]

Our sun is too strong--... it'll flind you if you glance at it. An' bake you in a feww minutes.