002 [Action&text]

[cancerousgeneticist]

[Karkat had become a hermit. A real life, for all intents and purposes, hermit.

He had been in Asgard for about a month, now, and only used his bracelet maybe twice. Mostly because all his friends are assholes. But also because he was afraid to.

is this what depression feels like?

maybe it was because of the nightmares he experienced his first night he entered the city, or maybe it was because the one person he actually wanted to talk to was ignoring him. Either way he hadn't left his room much since Nepeta set his nose a few weeks ago.

He lay on the floor of his block, surrounded by disarray; there was junk everywhere, from food items he had scrounged from mid-night scurries through the empty city. He didn't want to be seen in the dining hall, so he never went, opting to find food off trees or other, probably-not-safety-board-regulated sources. He had taken the sheets off his bed and had made a little nest in the center of the room, wrapping the blankets around him so only his ocular globes poked out from behind the fabric. Underneath, he wore nothing but his boxers, because it was hot under all the blankets, but he didn't want to sacrifice the safety of his little cocoon. Other things; papers, garbage, a random hairbrush, and some movies he had 'borrowed', were strewn around as well. Not that he had a TV to watch the movies, but he liked to read the backs of them and imagine if they were shit or not. They were probably all shit, he decided, but he still hoped 'Human Landon Carter' and 'Human Jaime Sullivan' end up together after all that community service. He also wondered what community service was.

is this what depression feels like?

He was actually getting pretty skinny. He could feel his breathing sack protectors through his skin, and he could imagine the bags under his eyes were worse than ever.

He stared at his bracelet. Though he hadn't contacted anyone in a long time he was still watching. He missed his idiot bestfriends. And his idiot ex-girlfriend-matesprit-person-thing. Terezi. But he was also scared to talk to them. He had looked like such an idiot before, with plans of escape. Of course they couldn't escape. As if he would have been a good enough leader to accomplish the task, anyways.

is this what depression feels like?

Half of him wanted to talk to them. Most of him wanted to say something. But all of him was saying he couldn't possibly.

He really needed a friend, right now.

Rolling onto his stomach, he poked a hand out and grabbed the infernal device of his loathing. It was always within arms reach but always so far away.

Fumbling with hands that shook and bony fingers he typed into the interface,typing a single word and hitting enter before throwing the terrible thing across the block once again.]

HELP.

this is what depression feels like.

Comments

Re: private; [2/2]

[cancerousgeneticist]

OH NO. YOU ARE *NOT* COMING OVER HERE.
AND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU JUST MADE THAT WORD UP JUST NOW.

private;

[tongue3y3s]

S1GH
O F34RL3SS L34D3R
W3 C4N DO TH1S TH3 34SY W4Y OR W3 C4N DO 1T TH3 H4RD W4Y
YOU C4N T3LL M3 WH3R3 YOU 4R3 4ND 1LL KNOCK AT THE DOOR OF YOUR H1V3SUIT3 L1K3 4 C1V1L1SED TROLL
OR YOU C4N L4UGH4BLY PR3T3ND 1 WONT B3 4BL3 TO F1ND YOU 4ND SO1L YOURS3LF 1N F34R WH3N 1 K1CK 1N YOUR FUCK1NG W1NDOW
YOUR CHO1C3

[cancerousgeneticist]

OKAY.
OKAY FINE.
I'M IN MY BLOCK IN FREYA HOUSE.


THE DOOR'S UNLOCKED.

private;

[tongue3y3s]

TH4NK YOU >:] 1 KN3W YOU WOULD S33 1T MY W4Y

1LL G1V3 YOU 4 COUPL3 HOURS TO CL34N YOURS3LF UP B3FOR3 1 G3T TH3R3
1 WOULD R3COMM3ND H1D1NG 4NYTH1NG YOU DONT P4RT1CUL4RLY W4NT M3 TO SM3LL

[cancerousgeneticist]

YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.

...

THANK YOU.


[He clicks off the bracelet, shoving it away under the naked 'bed'. Climbing to his feet took a few minutes. His legs felt wobbly and unsteady, like a newly pupated wriggler. His knees were shaking.

He made it to the Abultion block before collapsing in a heap of blankets, bony limbs, and dirt. He stayed there for a while, shaking as if he were cold, but when he felt his skin he was actually burning up. Maybe he was sick.

Crawling out from under the blankets was the hardest part. He felt naked-he was, technically, after shedding his boxers, but felt figuratively naked, as well. Unsafe. He got into the abultion trap, forgetting to lock the door to the block.

He stood under the stream for a long time, his head resting against the cool tile as the burning hot water flowed down over his back and down his body.

He was thinking too loudly again. He could hear the slurs. He could feel the eyes of those hes let down. And he felt this weight on his chest and suddenly he couldn't breathe. His legs were shaking and...

He could hear himself falling, but couldn't feel it. By the time he hit the ground, though, he was out.]

[tongue3y3s]

[Walking down the hallway, she can smell something off. Terezi's running before she can process it-- she only barely stops herself from kicking in the door, remembering that Karkat told her it was unlocked. The apartment is filthy but she doesn't notice it beyond a subtle mental note: she smells water, hears the sound of a shower.

Terezi is hissing in terror and hauling Karkat out of the trap. Her mind is a buzz and instincts take over, she flips him over and snarls in his face, shaking him roughly, claws out.] Karkat, so help me, in the name of Her Imperial Condescension I will drub you ceaselessly if you don't wake up right fucking now!

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He comes to with a sluggish "whaaaa?" And some stiff movement. He tries to sit up but fails, his whole body mvoing slowly as if he was caught in a time warp. His eyes are heavily lidded, only half open, but trained on Terezi.]


Tere...zi...what...???

[His next move is to cover his crotch, but hi hisses in pain; sounds about right, since he's sporting a black eye and a gross bruise across his side from the tumble.]

[tongue3y3s]

How could you do this to yourself? [she spits at him, furious even as she pulls her claws out of his shoulders and surreptitiously wipes the red off on her pants.

He smells so small and vulnerable and helpless and it isn't goddamn right.]

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He moans, rolling onto his non-bruised side, then weakly sitting up, a hand gingerly touching his swollen eye.]

What happened? Wha...? [He looks confusedly up at the still-running shower, then groans again, pulling his legs up against his chest.]

Fuck...you weren't supposed to see me like...this.

[tongue3y3s]

[Terezi faces him, leveling him with a pointed stare, her mouth a firm line that could rival Dave's own deadpan. Guilt, something like regret, and maybe a little bit of pain swirl in her bilesac. She should have seen this coming--well, seen, she should have-- she doesn't know.

Fuck. She has no idea.

At last, she finally speaks, her voice quiet and rough:] I can't see you, Karkat. I'm blind.

[cancerousgeneticist]

S-sorry...[He tries for his usual rancor but it falls flat when his voice cracks. Then red tears start to pool in his eyes and he lowers his head, hiding his face.] I'm sorry, Terezi. [For more than just forgetting her disability.]

[tongue3y3s]

[He's naked, but Terezi stops caring when she smells the thin sugar-salt red of tears in his eyes. She surges forward on hands and knees and the instant she's close enough her arms are around him, pulling him against her chest and cuddling him there.]

Shoosh, Karkat, shoosh, [she whispers, purring desperately in her chest. Terezi ignores the line between platonic shooshing and moirail activity; it doesn't really fucking matter right now.]

You didn't do anything wrong. We're all just too stupid to know how to take care of each other when we need help.

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He melts against her, breath ragged as he tries to breath. He buries his face against her shoulder, body quaking as a sob escapes his tight lips.
After a few minutes, he's able to pull himself away enough to look at her with a tear stained face. He doesn't look like himself. There's no hint of Karkat Vantas, Valiant Leader and Monster Slayer. He looks like a kid who maybe grew up a bit to fast, and is now facing every mistake he's ever made.] I...I need some pants...

[tongue3y3s]

[Terezi threads her fingers through his hair, rubs once, twice.] I can do that. [Gently, she eases him off her lap and stands up, exiting the ablution block and walking off in pursuit of his wardrobe. Terezi scents for the cleanest smelling area in the room, and manages to find a pair of pants that isn't too offensive to the nose. She grabs his sweater on the way back and carries them both back into the block.

Dropping them next to him, Terezi finally reaches over to turn off the shower, then shifts uncomfortably as an eerie silence washes over the room.]

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He manages to get his clothes on his body by himself, without much hassle. But be scoots over to his blankets and drapes one over himself before standing up on unsteady knees. He looks ridiculous.]

What now? [his eyes are wide and sad, and look up at Terezi as his knees are bent and shaking.]

[tongue3y3s]

[She sees the blanket and suddenly a wave of panic hits her straight in the gut. Terezi remembers belatedly that she'd been in such a goddamn hurry to get to Karkat that she'd completely forgotten about her lusus and left her alone in the hivesuite.

Maybe Sollux was there. Yes, maybe he had showed up and was watching over her, but Terezi feels dreadfully vulnerable and unsafe and has to swallow down this feeling of terror before she can speak.] Why don't you rest for a while, KK? Then we can-- [She clears her throat.] Go to my hive. So I can take care of you there.

[Her fingers go to her bracelet, fiddling with it absently.] Why don't you go onto the network and make sure everyone knows you're okay? [She has to... message Sollux. She hopes he's there.]

[cancerousgeneticist]

[His eyes go wide and he looks vunerable like a squeak beast.]

You're leaving me?! [a heartbroken squeakbeast]

[tongue3y3s]

No! [She resists drubbing or smacking him in reprimand. He's too weak right now.] We, as in you and I, are going to my hive! I have food and a pile there, and it doesn't smell like rotten eggs.

[Terezi pauses.] You can sleep there and be safe. I'll protect you.

[cancerousgeneticist]

...Oh. [He lets out a tiny sigh, looking to the floor. The blanket falls over his eyes, like a hood.] I....I t-think I can handle that.

[tongue3y3s]

[Carefully, Terezi manhandles the bracelet into his hand and grabs his finger to activate it.] I have to make some calls too, okay? We will just... calm down for a while.

[She sits a small distance away from him, and quickly shuffles through the touchscreen to message the relevant persons.]

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He watches her go, quizzically looking from her to his activated bracelet. He tells Nepeta he's alright, ignores everyone else, then puts the bracelet around his wrist and shuffles over to where Terezi sits.]

So then...we're going to your hive? Wait--during the day?

[tongue3y3s]

[Terezi blinks at him.] Yes? Humans are day-dwellers. Their sun doesn't burn as brightly as ours does. You can go out without being burned. Haven't you figured that out yet? [Her nose wrinkles.] How do you think I got here?

[She turns off her touchscreen and stands up.]

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He makes a sqwaking noise similar to an annoyed bird.]

No, I fucking knew that. I meant that people will see me, which, I assure you, is a thing I will fight against. I will literally rather sit here festering in my own shit for another two weeks rather than be drug out into the streets. I will literally, physically fight you before I take one step out into the daylight. [He seems to puff up under his blanket, like a bird ruffling it's feathers.]

[tongue3y3s]

Karkat, you're so weak and helpless at the moment that I wouldn't even have to drub you unconscious before dragging you all the way to my hive by your ankle, so I wouldn't advise challenging me on that front right now!

[Pointedly, Terezi holds out her hand to him, as if daring him to refuse her and consider the consequences of what she might do with that hand if he does.] Anyway, I'll take you on side-streets and you can keep that stupid blanket wrapped around you so no one will see you! It'll be fine.

[cancerousgeneticist]

[He stares at her hand, as if weighing his options for a minute. Then he sneers and absconds further into the blanket, so only his eyes are poking out.]

I wasn't going to let go of the blanket, anyways. [His voice is muffled, but from his eyes, he's trying to keep up the best impression of being intimidating. He's failing.]