First Curse; Video

[trouser_chimp]

 [Ritsu has finally gotten the hang of this device, and the nerve to speak up.]

I'm sorry for being so terribly rude and not introducing myself further. There seems to have been a mistaken, and I was brought here, to.... well... I suppose everyone knows by now, but I was wondering if there was a way to let the gods know they picked the wrong Ritsu, or the wrong Sohma, or the wrong Ritsu Sohma. 

I'm sorry for bothering you all with my question, but I figure the sooner I am gone, the less of a burden I'll be on you all.

Comments

[samantha_grey]

Nope, I'll almost guarantee you that they picked you on purpose. I can even take a guess or two as to why right off the bat. Welcome to hell, Ritsu. Name's Samantha.

[Ritsu probably would be best not to actually ask what those guesses were. Samantha could be needlessly morbid and depressing at times.]

[trouser_chimp]

[He's not a barrel of sunshine either...]

Eh? Hell? This is hell?

Then no wonder I was chosen! I really do belong here, for all my horrid sins!

[samantha_grey]

[These two probably should never have spoken.]

Eh. Everyone's fucked up at some point, but I meant that metaphorically. They call this place Asgard. Might as well be hell some days. They want us to bring color to this gray, lifeless world before the final battle against hordes of giants, but having emotions.

You're going to fit in just fine. Trust me. I think you've got this whole thing perfect. Dare I ask what sins?

[trouser_chimp]

[This is going be lovely.]

My mere existence is a sin... I can't do anything right! If this is Hell, then my torture should begin immediately, I don't deserve any mercy! If this is Asgard, then I need to get out, because I'll only make this place grayer and grayer! There will be over fifty shades of gray!

[*rimshot*]

[samantha_grey]

No, trust me. You're doing just fine right now. Being a morbid, depressing, self-loathing stick in the mud who shouts about how horrible you are so loud it irritates everyone around you? That's going to create a lot of color right there. Maybe not pretty color, but they don't care about that. they just want color. Self-flaggelation only makes it better. These bastards love tormenting us.

Go shout at Loki for a bit. He'll curse you and make you feel worse. All better.

[...someone stop her.]

[trouser_chimp]

[He won't be the one to do it.]

... Eh? ... I'm doing it right... by continuing to be wrong...?

[He takes a long pause. You may have broken his head a bit.]

[samantha_grey]

Take it from someone else who's born on the 'sin' side of the equation. [She points her forehead at the screen and taps a horn.] They picked a few screw ups, fuck ups, pissants and insane bastards for this place. There's a whole house full of death-obsessed lackwits and monsters around here.

Being wrong'll just piss people off, and pissed off people are emoting. This isn't all Mary Sunshine land and the Open Hearts Band. [Sometimes, even she didn't know what she was talking about.] Personally, I'd stop worrying about it. You're just going to give yourself [and everyone else] a headache.

[trouser_chimp]

[Ritsu thinks they're merely some kind of headband decoration, so he wonders if she was picked for her fashion sense...???]

I'm sorry, but my worry continues to grow! Every time I think I understand this place, I'm proven wrong... which is no surprise, really, since I'm so stupid... Aaah, I'm making things worse again! I can't even grasp my situation! Why was I even born, if I can't handle simple instructions?!

[samantha_grey]

[During a second or two while Ritsu was looking away, her tail reached up to scratch her head in confusion before slipping out of sight before he looked back.]

Nobody really understands this place. It's like a demented chimp designed it. [Not the best choice of words there, Sam] You were born because your mommy and daddy did the horizontal lambada without protection and decided to keep you around. You were dragged here for your shining personality and winning disposition.

You may actually be the first person I suggest needs to meet the Neighbor's Club.

[trouser_chimp]

[mun may have LOL'd at the chimp line.]

That's very kind of you to say, miss... even if it isn't true! It's good to know there are nice people here.

[So, yeah, he doesn't get sarcasm either.]

The Neighbor's Club? What's that?

voice;

[entreats]

.. [ ange can't help but raise an eyebrow to herself at a message like this, really.. ]

What kind of mistake do you think they made?

voice;

[trouser_chimp]

If they wanted someone to help aide this place and bring color, then they chose wrong by selecting me! I'd only make this place worse!

[samantha_grey]

[Thought they might.]

It's a bunch of insane little rejects from modern society who think shouting at people and insisting that they're now friends is the normal way to interact with people. Somehow, I think they'd consider you a work in progress that they'd just have to mold in their image.

...where's Meat? She'd be all over you.

[trouser_chimp]

Oh, I wouldn't want to bother them... But thank you for the recommendation.

... Ah! I still haven't introduced myself properly! I am so terribly very sorry that I couldn't even remember decent manners! My name is Ritsu Sohma. It's very nice to meet you.

[samantha_grey]

No... trust me. As soon as I find Meat, she's never going to let you out of her sight. The name's Samantha Grey. Charmed, I'm sure. Never been one for decent manners anyway, or at least not since I left home.

[trouser_chimp]

Miss Grey! I will be sure to -

[Wait.]

... And I said I would make this place even greyer! What have I done?! I've already gone and insulted the first person who wanted to talk to me over this line of communication! I'M THE WORST PERSON IN ALL OF ASGARD! I'M SO SORRY THAT I INSULTED YOUR PRECIOUS FAMILY NAMESAKE! I DON'T DESERVE TO EVER SPEAK THE NAME AND COLOR OF GREY AGAIN!

I APOLOGIZE TO YOU I APOLOGIZE TO ALL GREYS I APOLOGIZE TO THE WORRRRRRRRLLLLLD!

[samantha_grey]

[The response comes back a second or two later. There's a very distinct possibility that Samantha went to message 'that insane Meat person' to inform her about Ritsu. A very distinct possibility.]

...

My mother accepts your apology from the grave. Don't apologize to my father. He's a dick. And I... really wouldn't worry about it so much. The Grey name isn't exactly a household thing where I come from. I don't think there's any extended family to speak of.

Did someone, perhaps, hit you on your head as a child?

[trouser_chimp]

[Hurray for friends.]

But family is oh so very important, and I went and degraded it like the heartless waste of flesh that I am... If this truly is Hell, such acts like these prove I belong here...

... No, but I was often hit by myself! I was a very clumsy child who grew up into a clumsy adult.

[samantha_grey]

Somehow... I'm not surprised. Look, nothing's insulted, so stop worrying about my mother. You don't have to keep apologizing for everything!

[Cue apology for apologizing in 3...2...]

[trouser_chimp]

[You know him well.]

I'm sorry for worrying about your mother when it was none of my business! I'm sorry for all of my useless apologies that do no good!

[samantha_grey]

Okay, so you officially just weirded me out with that one. We're going to stop the apologizing right now, or I'm going to ask you what house you're in, march over there and gag you for an hour to save you from making anymore mistakes you can't castigate yourself for, like, I don't know... breathing.

[trouser_chimp]

I believe I'm in Sigyn house.

... Why, am I breathing too much? Is there a limited supply of oxygen that I'm taking up?!

[samantha_grey]

... I'm getting the gag. Stay perfectly still and breathe normally. I'm going to come over and do you a favor. Besides, I've never been to Sigyn House.

Out of curiosity, what power did the faceless woman tell you you got?

[trouser_chimp]

Oh, a visitor! I'll clean up the place right away1 Should I get snacks? Oh, no, you said to stay still... then I'll get the snacks when you get here!

[He's awfully excited about this.]

Healing, I think.

[samantha_grey]

Noted. For your reference, supposedly those powers work on you. You might just want to keep that in mind for later.

[And Ritsu would be left to wonder exactly what she meant by that for a little while, though not that long given that she currently only lived in Loki District, so it was a shorter trek to the Sigyn house. It was more a matter of finding which of the doors had Ritsu's name on it.

Was she seriously coming over to a stranger's house to tie them up and gag them so they couldn't whine for a bit? ...probably.]