[ He waits, the wind chilled and biting at his face, but he tries to look like he has some semblance of strength left in his bones. When she approaches, he tries for a smile but even his falters. ]
Hi.
[ He knows he should feel relieved that she will even speak to him at all, and yet, when she starts he can feel his stomach twisting, feel the way any idea of trust goes out the window and he frowns, going pale. ]
I... I can do it. But you'll hate me.
[ He looks as though he wishes he could simply disappear right now and he hangs his head, not meeting her eyes. ]
You already do, I guess. Sorry, maybe we should... just pretend this didn't happen? [ He smiles a tiny bit, but it doesn't reach his eyes. It's that same smile he would give James and Sirius and Remus whenever something they said sunk so deep, hurt so much, that he didn't know what else to do in fear of losing their friendship.
He looks back up at her and he shrugs, biting his lip. He shouldn't be the one upset here. He did this, he made this stupid, ridiculous choice and this was the brunt of it. No one to hide behind, no one to protect him. It took one decision, and suddenly, he was alone. He knew he always would be. Instead of speaking again, he merely rolls up his sleeves for her, and there, clear as day on the inside of his arm, is the dark mark. Unlike some, it looks new even, the magic still fresh. It hasn't been long. ]
I just thought-- I wanted to... to do something that--
[ What else is he supposed to do? Fight back? Justify himself? How is he going to do that, no less to Lily Evans who was always kind to him, who never looked down on him. ]
I thought if I did this, if I worked for him then he wouldn't touch any one of you guys. I don't know. I just thought-- I mean I was being ignored in the Order meetings, and at least if things did go bad -- they haven't yet and... and I've done a good job. It's just a few months but-- I know you won't get hurt. Because, because they won't. You're... you're with me?
[ He stares down at his feet now and pushes his sleeves back down, clearly ashamed. ]
I wanted to do something for a change, something right. I guess, ah. Er. I dunno.
action;
Hi.
[ He knows he should feel relieved that she will even speak to him at all, and yet, when she starts he can feel his stomach twisting, feel the way any idea of trust goes out the window and he frowns, going pale. ]
I... I can do it. But you'll hate me.
[ He looks as though he wishes he could simply disappear right now and he hangs his head, not meeting her eyes. ]
You already do, I guess. Sorry, maybe we should... just pretend this didn't happen? [ He smiles a tiny bit, but it doesn't reach his eyes. It's that same smile he would give James and Sirius and Remus whenever something they said sunk so deep, hurt so much, that he didn't know what else to do in fear of losing their friendship.
He looks back up at her and he shrugs, biting his lip. He shouldn't be the one upset here. He did this, he made this stupid, ridiculous choice and this was the brunt of it. No one to hide behind, no one to protect him. It took one decision, and suddenly, he was alone. He knew he always would be. Instead of speaking again, he merely rolls up his sleeves for her, and there, clear as day on the inside of his arm, is the dark mark. Unlike some, it looks new even, the magic still fresh. It hasn't been long. ]
I just thought-- I wanted to... to do something that--
[ What else is he supposed to do? Fight back? Justify himself? How is he going to do that, no less to Lily Evans who was always kind to him, who never looked down on him. ]
I thought if I did this, if I worked for him then he wouldn't touch any one of you guys. I don't know. I just thought-- I mean I was being ignored in the Order meetings, and at least if things did go bad -- they haven't yet and... and I've done a good job. It's just a few months but-- I know you won't get hurt. Because, because they won't. You're... you're with me?
[ He stares down at his feet now and pushes his sleeves back down, clearly ashamed. ]
I wanted to do something for a change, something right. I guess, ah. Er. I dunno.