asgardeventide | 010 ♒ Video | Day 367 [Post-Quake]

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010 ♒ Video | Day 367 [Post-Quake]

[Just in case that earthquake didn't do enough damage to the city, look who's baaaaaack! You know you missed him, Asgard.

Eridan addresses the video with a smirk that has to be practiced it's so smarmy, leaning on one elbow as he waves his other hand dismissively.]

So, I'm gone for wwhat, less than a fuckin' half perigree an' you imbeciles let the place fall to shit around you? Wwhy am I not surprised? Useless, the lot a' you.

[The trouble is that he probably actually believes that.]

By the wway, turns out losin' your bracelet really is a fuckin' serious issue. Gaudy piece a' refuse like that an' they expect a royal like me to actually wwear it continuously?

...Wwhatevver.

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... seriously, Eridan... I already told you about losing that god-damned thing. Do you know how many gray strangers I thought had horns I kicked the ass of the first week you disappeared?

[None, but it was funny to say. She yawned, looking northward. She felt sleepy for some reason. It was... odd, considering what she'd just heard whisper in her ear.]

You... hear anything?

[ although the screen hardly gets his face, to be honest! not really used to the technology crap, so it only gets most of his chin, some of his mouth, as he holds up the bracelet close enough to speak into. his tone is pointed, agitated-- and just all around irked by douchebaggery, he can't help it! ]

And what are you?

Uh oh, look out. The douchefins is back and he has opinions.

Edited 2013-12-07 00:43 (UTC)

Hear anythin'? Besides the sound a' your screechin'?

[He missed you, Sam. Really.]

An' you can't expect me to keep this gaudy thing on all the time! It's undignified.

Smarter than you, clearly, since I knoww howw to use my bracelet like a civvilized troll an' look at wwho I'm orderin' around.

[He's really kind of tired of that question. You're the aliens here, not him.]

Fuck. I just got rid a' your sorry pissblood ass.

[Seriously. He had a party and everything.]

I swwear to cod if you so much as laid one scrawny finger on my stuff, Sol... I'm not afraid a' showwin' you a fewww science tricks again.

If you can evven see it comin'.

Actually I did go through all your stuff, and I licked it, so it's mine now. Not that I want that garbage anyway. What are you going to do, throw your little magic wand at me? I'm so scared.

Who's screaching, you yammering deranged fish-monger? Not me? And I'm not the one who forgot they have pockets in their clothes they can drop it into so they still have their bracelet on.

[Likewise, she promises.]

I'm goin' to run you out a' towwn like I did all the other incarnations a' your sorry fuckin' self that havve showwn up here for no other purpose than to piss me off.

[He grins, showing rows of deadly fangs.]

I don't evven need that wwand. Ahab's Crosshairs Mark II wwill do the job just fine.

[ Just picking his fangs with a fingernail, don't mind him. ]

Huh? Did you say something?

Edited 2013-12-07 03:24 (UTC)

I said wwe don't need you here, assblood. So go the fuck back to wwhatevver rock you crawwled out from underneath.

[He growls low under his breath.]

Least you could a' done is brought Fef wwith you.

[ that wasn't the kind of question he was asking though, believe it or not!

and then-- he looks down at his bracelet. so that's how . . . video works . . . for a moment, he seems a bit taken off guard. he had thought it was voice he had chosen, but-- whatever technology, whatever. he knits his brows together, wrinkling his nose and giving a passive "tch". ]

At least I'm not the useless one here-- and I'm not ordering anyone around. [ some emphasis on "i'm". because-- what he had asked before was in retaliation to "useless, the lot of you". ]

Oh please, harpy. Pockets wwould fuck with the lay of my cape an' you knoww it!

[Kanaya's not the only one with a flair for the fashion dramatic.]

... yes, and what are those things in those black overblown trousers you wear all the time. You know, right at the hips? It's not like you have to keep it in the cape ya doofus.

[God, you and Kanaya both sometimes.]

[Someone's got a paranoid kismesis silently stalking this thread. Soooo stalking right now.]

Really? I'vve yet to find a human, except my moirail a' course, wwho wwasn't completely fuckin' useless for anythin' but stuffin' their nutrition chute an' actin' better than their superiors.

[He might be biased. Just a bit.]

Provve your usefulness an' I might havve to retract my wwords. But I don't see that bein' vvery likely.

First off, FF doesn't want anything to do with you. For the shit she put up with from you, you could at least do her a favor and fuck off.

Second off, what kind of asshole would want to torment her with being in this place? I guess you always have been the best at being the shittiest excuse for a friend, but that's a new low.

Edited 2013-12-08 07:33 (UTC)

And you're doing what, in the meantime? Fixing it?

[ oh hold on

what

stink eye ]

I'm not proving anything to someone who can't see their own ass.

[It's not his fault that Sollux is an absolute bastard. He's not even doing anything... much.]

Don't you fuckin' lecture at me, Sol! You knoww wwhat happens to her--to you both!

An' you left her there to fuckin' die. Don't you DARE call me a shitty excuse for a friend wwhen you're the most pathetic matesprit to evver draww breath.

... An' make myself lookin' fuckin' hippy? You'vve got to be kiddin' me. Howw can I strike fear into the nativve's hearts when it looks like I shovved a grub-bagel in my pants!

[These are the things he worries about.]

[What. You knew what you were signing up for, Eren.]

... Huh.

[He blinks, twisting a bit.]

A' course I can see my ass... wwhat does that havve to do with anythin'? Humans are so wweird.

What are you rambling about now? FF is fine, dipshit, a little hornpile isn't going to kill her. She loves that shit, it was her idea.

No, you imbecil--

[Wait. He didn't... he didn't know what Eridan had done. And maybe this could work out to Eridan's advantage.]

I wwould think it'd be the least that you could do for her after you got Fef culled. Protectin' your sorry hide from Jack.

[ Yeah, like he's going to trust Eridan for a hot second. ]

FF's not going to get culled, she can handle herself. Maybe you'd know that if you ever paid attention to her outside of trying to get your bulge wet.

Edited 2013-12-08 18:36 (UTC)

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010 ♒ Video | Day 367 [Post-Quake]

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