[He's stressing. A lot. It was one thing to make decisions with a semi-drunk Spike and quite another to act those decisions out with Fred. He didn't want her to hate him. He didn't want her to know about her future either, so hate him she must.
His heart clenched and for a brief moment he wondered if he was having a heart attack.]
[She's only been working there a few weeks but already the library is starting to feel familiar. The way the floor always feels so solid underneath her feel, the scent of paper and ink and worn leather. She'd thought it might be difficult -- after all the last time she worked in a library things hadn't gone very well. But of all the jobs Fred considered, it seemed the most logical. So she'd tucked certain difficult, argumentative memories aside and worked to focus on the present.
Fred's not thinking of any of that though, as she bee lines for the study she told Wesley to meet her in.
Her steps catch up with her, and Fred has to remind herself to stop. Because if not she'll run out of room. He's already there.
Of course he's already there, Fred. He was in the library to begin with.
[He has to swallow hard when Fred walks in. Suddenly all the determination he had leaves him and he's left not knowing what to say, how to explain everything without revealing anything. Why does she have to be from their past?
It wasn't that he wanted Illyria here instead (although that would make things slightly easier) he just wanted a Fred who could understand. No, he was completely selfish in his desire for an older Fred. He wanted a Fred who was unattached and could, would, hold him. They'd had so little time before and here they were again, so close but so very distant]
Fred. I-I think we should sit.
[He doesn't move]
No, you should sit and I should...I should tell you that your questions are hurting Spike and should stop. He doesn't have any sort of answer to your future that you'll like.
[Well now she's absolutely not going to sit, Wesley. Good job. Instead she'll hold herself perfectly still, chin lifted on that tiny pules of confidence that comes from at least being sure of your surroundings.
The cart in the corner? She knows. That small table and worn chairs? She knows. The books left from the night before? She knows. She might not know this Wesley and she might not even know herself, but Fred knows this room.
And she's not sitting in it]
You think I'm hurting Spike? [Wait, no. Fred knows there's some truth there. She has the tear streaked shirt to prove it] You think I'd hurt Spike deliberately? And you like I have to like a thing just to be able to talk about it? You think I don't know there's a thousand other emotions out there and not a one of them come close to like?
[And now, just like that, it's about more than what they're clearly not saying. It's about what Wesley didn't say before. All those secrets. All those things they weren't getting back]
We did this once before Wesley, remember? It didn't go well.
[Inside he loves the sight of her standing up and refusing to shrink away. People always assume that's how Fred will react when confronted by something or someone threatening, but Wesley could tell right from the start that she was far from a damsel in distress]
Did it ever occur to you that this isn't just something to be hidden away because of shame? This is your future. Yours and Gunn's. Who knows the havoc that could happen should you return home with that knowledge. Do you think Spike and I want to be burdened with this knowledge? No, of course not, because Fred is always so curious.
[He wants to stop. He wants to stop and tell her everything, but he can't because the idea of her knowing that terrible future is too painful]
Don't you think one trip to a demon dimension was enough to teach you to stop meddling?
[Wesley can't look at her as he says this. He knows the pain that she went through trying to confront the reality of Pylea. He also knows that that time can be used as a weapon against her.]
[There's an audible intake of breath, cold and sharp and full of shock that the words the just tumbled out of his mouth. It burns, like you didn't dress right for the weather.
That thing with not looking, Wesley? Only really works well when someone stays put. But Fred takes one deliberate step sideways to put herself right back in his field of vision]
Meddling? A trip? Did you really just -- you were there. You saw. You saw and you think you can just...
[It's too close again. Right up on her back and harder to brush away than almost every morning she wakes up in a world she didn't plan to. The weight's pressing down on her]
I picked up book, Wesley. In a library not much different than this one. I picked up a book and I read some words and the next thing I knew my whole life had been stripped away from me. I did things, they did...
[She's not talking about that here. Not now and maybe not ever]
I picked up a book and I read some words and don't you pretend you haven't done the same thing a dozen times over in a single day. So now thing about how it feels to have a thing you love, how something that excited you and make your head go spinny in that good way and just makes you want to be everything and all at once not feel safe. Imagine that being taken away, that everytime you touch a book from then after no matter how different the cover is or the ideas are inside you still get caught on that 'what if'. You imagine the 'again' and you call it meddling.
[It hurts, she thinks, because he was supposed to understand]
I never asked you to carry that 'burden', Wesley. You just remember that.
[Wesley moved away from her because being this close was already hard enough.]
This isn't just your future, but the future of Connor, myself, even your Gunn. Are you really so selfish that you would put everyone else in danger because you simply have to know?
Wow never got this notif. So we both won DW lotto today!
You were so close when I first came -- heck, even before. I wasn't right in my head and even I could see that? He's yours too Wesley, you just keep keen on forgetting.
[And she'll take a step closer. And she's angry now too. So, so angry. And something else]
Nothing's evitable Wesley, remember? Prophecies, the future? None of it's set, to my reckoning. So whatever you feel the need to keep locked up so tight? Why don't we change it. Tell me, don't tell me I don't...fine. I do. But if this isn't about me, why am I the one you're so set on driving away?
Wesley if I wanted a simple life? I would've gone back to Texas that day with my folks, not had them turn the cab around. We both know how that turned out.
[Anger's swiftly fading away to overwhelming confusion. Was this still about the hospital? About what she'd said there? Fred regretted it a hundred times over, still was looking for a way to apologize for her words. Maybe not all the feeling behind hem, at least some of it held true. But she should've stood behind him, been more forceful back at the hotel.
But even if this was Wesley's punishment, it still didn't feel right. Silence, maybe. Painful, solid silence. But not this.
Fred speaks to his back, already at the door]
Whoever you think I am Wesley? The sort of person that would listen to a lick of that nonsense?
[He knows who she is. She's strong and smart and willing to face the end of the world without a qualm, but he can't let her know how much he knows of her, how much she should know of him.
His fingers tighten around the doorframe as he still refuses to look at her]
Don't kid yourself; despite what you've experienced our world really isn't for you. A vampire, a disgraced Watcher, a vampire hunter, and a scientist.
Just enjoy what you have here and don't go looking at the future.
[He doesn't close the door in her face, but he does walk quickly without looking back. He's reminded of that time he'd been infected by Billy, only this is more painful because he's doing this on purpose.
He never deserved her if he can so easily put her aside.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
voice -- locked...poorly
Then again, Spike did mention things and, god, he knew this was going to be a problem]
Um, library.
Voice -- Locked
[She repeats to herself. That,at least, makes sense. It's one of the few things that does at the moment]
I'm on my way.
Voice -- Locked
[In the meantime he would stress and ask himself if he really had it in him to be cruel to her]
Voice -- Locked
I'll meet you there.
[And just like that, she's gone]
action :p
His heart clenched and for a brief moment he wondered if he was having a heart attack.]
:P --> ;_;
Fred's not thinking of any of that though, as she bee lines for the study she told Wesley to meet her in.
Her steps catch up with her, and Fred has to remind herself to stop. Because if not she'll run out of room. He's already there.
Of course he's already there, Fred. He was in the library to begin with.
Fred shuts the door.
It's just the two of them]
no subject
It wasn't that he wanted Illyria here instead (although that would make things slightly easier) he just wanted a Fred who could understand. No, he was completely selfish in his desire for an older Fred. He wanted a Fred who was unattached and could, would, hold him. They'd had so little time before and here they were again, so close but so very distant]
Fred. I-I think we should sit.
[He doesn't move]
No, you should sit and I should...I should tell you that your questions are hurting Spike and should stop. He doesn't have any sort of answer to your future that you'll like.
no subject
The cart in the corner? She knows. That small table and worn chairs? She knows. The books left from the night before? She knows. She might not know this Wesley and she might not even know herself, but Fred knows this room.
And she's not sitting in it]
You think I'm hurting Spike? [Wait, no. Fred knows there's some truth there. She has the tear streaked shirt to prove it] You think I'd hurt Spike deliberately? And you like I have to like a thing just to be able to talk about it? You think I don't know there's a thousand other emotions out there and not a one of them come close to like?
[And now, just like that, it's about more than what they're clearly not saying. It's about what Wesley didn't say before. All those secrets. All those things they weren't getting back]
We did this once before Wesley, remember? It didn't go well.
no subject
Did it ever occur to you that this isn't just something to be hidden away because of shame? This is your future. Yours and Gunn's. Who knows the havoc that could happen should you return home with that knowledge. Do you think Spike and I want to be burdened with this knowledge? No, of course not, because Fred is always so curious.
[He wants to stop. He wants to stop and tell her everything, but he can't because the idea of her knowing that terrible future is too painful]
Don't you think one trip to a demon dimension was enough to teach you to stop meddling?
[Wesley can't look at her as he says this. He knows the pain that she went through trying to confront the reality of Pylea. He also knows that that time can be used as a weapon against her.]
no subject
That thing with not looking, Wesley? Only really works well when someone stays put. But Fred takes one deliberate step sideways to put herself right back in his field of vision]
Meddling? A trip? Did you really just -- you were there. You saw. You saw and you think you can just...
[It's too close again. Right up on her back and harder to brush away than almost every morning she wakes up in a world she didn't plan to. The weight's pressing down on her]
I picked up book, Wesley. In a library not much different than this one. I picked up a book and I read some words and the next thing I knew my whole life had been stripped away from me. I did things, they did...
[She's not talking about that here. Not now and maybe not ever]
I picked up a book and I read some words and don't you pretend you haven't done the same thing a dozen times over in a single day. So now thing about how it feels to have a thing you love, how something that excited you and make your head go spinny in that good way and just makes you want to be everything and all at once not feel safe. Imagine that being taken away, that everytime you touch a book from then after no matter how different the cover is or the ideas are inside you still get caught on that 'what if'. You imagine the 'again' and you call it meddling.
[It hurts, she thinks, because he was supposed to understand]
I never asked you to carry that 'burden', Wesley. You just remember that.
[She's always so curious, he said]
But now I know you think my future is one.
no subject
[Wesley moved away from her because being this close was already hard enough.]
This isn't just your future, but the future of Connor, myself, even your Gunn. Are you really so selfish that you would put everyone else in danger because you simply have to know?
Wow never got this notif. So we both won DW lotto today!
[She just stares]
You were so close when I first came -- heck, even before. I wasn't right in my head and even I could see that? He's yours too Wesley, you just keep keen on forgetting.
[And she'll take a step closer. And she's angry now too. So, so angry. And something else]
Nothing's evitable Wesley, remember? Prophecies, the future? None of it's set, to my reckoning. So whatever you feel the need to keep locked up so tight? Why don't we change it. Tell me, don't tell me I don't...fine. I do. But if this isn't about me, why am I the one you're so set on driving away?
no subject
[Knowing Gunn is from the past doesn't make forgiving him for the sins he committed against Fred and Angel any easier]
This is. It must happen this way. I have to lose you and it starts now.
[Because that would make things so much better if only on the surface]
If you change the future then our home dimension could be at risk.
no subject
[That stops her up short]
Wesley is that what this is? That's what you think?
no subject
While you may have some fantasy of a Happily Ever After, I know the truth and it's a truth that cannot be changed. We. Lose.
[He meant to say he lost, but he's already said too much in regards to their relationship. This should have been easier
Wesley steps into Fred's space, clenching his teeth, and mentally preparing to walk away from her]
This world is your chance at that simple life; don't ruin it by asking questions that you don't need the answers to.
[Before he can change his mind he moves towards the door and opens it]
Just enjoy your life here with Charles.
no subject
[Anger's swiftly fading away to overwhelming confusion. Was this still about the hospital? About what she'd said there? Fred regretted it a hundred times over, still was looking for a way to apologize for her words. Maybe not all the feeling behind hem, at least some of it held true. But she should've stood behind him, been more forceful back at the hotel.
But even if this was Wesley's punishment, it still didn't feel right. Silence, maybe. Painful, solid silence. But not this.
Fred speaks to his back, already at the door]
Whoever you think I am Wesley? The sort of person that would listen to a lick of that nonsense?
You're wrong.
no subject
His fingers tighten around the doorframe as he still refuses to look at her]
Don't kid yourself; despite what you've experienced our world really isn't for you. A vampire, a disgraced Watcher, a vampire hunter, and a scientist.
Just enjoy what you have here and don't go looking at the future.
[He doesn't close the door in her face, but he does walk quickly without looking back. He's reminded of that time he'd been infected by Billy, only this is more painful because he's doing this on purpose.
He never deserved her if he can so easily put her aside.]