asgardeventide | saints' asgard: the first ⚜ video / action;

[The video feed opens up to reveal the Boss in what... appears to be somewhere in house Baldr.]

Right. Listen up, just because we're in some weird-ass city doesn't mean that shit's changing.

[The Boss is looking fairly serious now as he looks into the camera.] Apparently some of you guys haven't heard of the 3rd Street Saints. Well listen up, you chucklefucks, because we got an understanding to come to.

We are a fucking enterprise and we're going to own this city. Got a problem with it, you can take your concerns to Johnny. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear that you don't like it. Really sympathetic guy. Good listener.

[He doesn't sound in the least bit sarcastic. Also the previous sentence was a lie, because yeah, he does. Based on the Boss's tone of voice, whoever Johnny is, the number of fucks he is going to give is approximately zero.]

Now, the way I see it, y'all got three options. You can be cool, like Bayonetta, you can stay the fuck out of our way, or you can find out if this is the afterlife. Your call.

[...after a moment.] And the first fucking person to tell me where we can play some skeeball gets canonized.

[It's a video post, but people are welcome to find him as well and talk to him in person!]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

What's skeeball?

You don't know what skeeball is? What is wrong with you?

[Good lord, why does nobody here know anything about anything? They're all too busy being...

... things that aren't people who know things.]

S-Sorry, is knowing like a.. a prerequisite for being here? [ ;A; if so, she can learn fast! ]

[... oh.]

It's that game where you roll the balls up a slope, and then try to land them in the holes at the end. God damn, it's in like every arcade, didn't you go to a Buck E. Beaver's as a kid?

[At first Sonic just sorta stares... and then he snickers. Oh man, is this guy for real?

Well, here's one hedgehog who doesn't look even slightly intimidated.]

I'll give ya an A for effort.

[...]

Holy shit I have been drinking way too damn much.

[Okay. Space alien troll chick he could deal with. This is definitely not a thing that's happening.

Somehow, this is probably Shaundi's fault.]

If you have, that's not my problem.

[Heh, is this another guy who thinks he's not real? Fuuun.]

I'm guessin' you've never seen a hedgehog before.

I've seen a hedgehog before. You're some sort of shitty furry mascot. Shouldn't you be at a football game getting harassed by little kids and jumping around like a retard?

[Politically correct, the Boss is not. Also nice, the Boss is not.]

This ain't a costume, pal. If it was, do you really think it'd look this authentic?

[He rolls his eyes. Here, he'll even tug at one of his ears. Nope, not a mask.]

Point is, I'm a hedgehog. A way cool hedgehog.

You people are into some weird shit. Okay, fine. Whatever. You're a fucking hedgehog or whatever. This place doesn't make any damn sense, so sure, you're a fucking hedgehog.

[The Boss is equally unimpressed, to be fair, Sonic.]

You got a problem?

...So you're a street gang?

Something like that, yeah.

[Like that in that ... at one point that was true. By this point in Saints' Row canon, they are way, way beyond 'just a street gang'.]

Moi, a problem? Nope, can't say I do.

[Heh.]

But it sure sounds like someone does.

Oh that game! Sure, I've played that game millions of times! [ She and Tatsuki can get kind of crazy on it. What's a bucky beaver though? ]

I'd call looking like a deformed mascot a 'problem'.

[Sonic is mildly irritating, but not enough for the Boss to lose his shit over. And if the ... thing causes problems, well, he's pretty sure hedgehogs are not immune to bullets.

The Boss solves a lot of problems with bullets. They're his favorite solution, second only to explosions.]

Yes. That game.

[...The Boss is wondering just how airheaded she is. Can he just like, stuff a rag in her mouth and just look at her instead?]

Deformed?

[Oh, that's not cool, man.]

You might wanna get your eyes checked, 'cause I'm as cool as they come.

Or what, you're gonna headbutt me in the knee?

[Admittedly, Sonic is taller than that, but let's not point out that he is at prime ball-headbutting height.]

[ He can try... ]

I didn't know the mafia liked to play arcade games...

Shaundi fucking loves skeeball.

What makes you think you can proclaim ownership over the place?

Who the fuck do you think you are to say we can't?

3rd Street Saints, huh?

[ ... ah. someone else laying claim to the city? he was kind of wondering when that would happen. he racks his head for anything he might've heard that resembled that name, but... nope.jpg. ]

Good joke.

Who's Shaundi...?

Then I'm going to have to stop you if you try anything in Thor. You know how these things go.

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