uno | audio

[tumbler]

[The sound of a busy city square comes through first, with a bustling crowd muffled in the background. If you listen closely, you can hear someone... singing?]

[And he told our poor minstrel to leave or be hit, / before climbing a wall, the rude little-- oof-]

[That over with, a new voice, far less muffled and with an entirely different accent comes on the line:] Ah, if you fine citizens would indulge me so, I do wonder: what do you know of elves?

Comments

[tonsofpun]

Because you don't want to answer?

[tumbler]

Fair enough, my friend.

Once, I had a... well, 'friend' is a strong word, in this case. Shall we say I knew someone, you see, and they said, what was it, ah... he once said, and I thought it true, that a people are not simple. They are not easily summed up. I could not say, 'you see, the humans are a tall and argumentative people whose greatest skill is making war with their neighbors'. It does not suit the whole.

[tonsofpun]

[Ellie has to laugh, though.]

Yeah, it's about right... yeesh.

[tumbler]

Oh? Have I perfectly described the whole of the human race, do you think?

[tonsofpun]

Nah, not all of them. But I can kinda see where you're coming from?

[tumbler]

Ah, so such a concise explanation would satisfy your curiosity for the whole of elvenkind, no?

[tonsofpun]

No way it'd satisfy it. Just think of it like the teaser.

[tumbler]

Well, then! Forgive me if I did not peg you as one so eager to be teased! Elves, then, are a short and pointy-eared people with famously poor luck.

[tonsofpun]

[Ellie has to laugh a little, and rubs the back of her neck.]

Sounds shitty. And what about you?

[tumbler]

Well, I am short, compared to most humans my age, and you have seen the ears, and I am here, so my luck cannot be too terribly good, no?

[tonsofpun]

[Snickering, now. But.]

I dunno, you might not be shorter than me.

[tumbler]

Are you suggesting we are of an age, sigñorina?

[tonsofpun]

Probably not, if you're an elf. How old are you?

[tumbler]

Thirty, in some months. [But Zevran, you said you were twenty-seven in that other thread- oh, nevermind.] Elves are rather on the mortal side of things. At least, where I am from.

[tonsofpun]

Shit, you don't look that old. You could be my big brother, practically.

[tumbler]

[Zevran approves +2] Oh, you think so? Well, I certainly will not argue against you. Does this flatterer have a name, I wonder?

[tonsofpun]

[She has to snicker.]

Ellie. What's yours?

[tumbler]

Zevran Arainai! [Said as floridly as possible, rolled 'R' and all.] Zev to my friends.

[tonsofpun]

Arrrrainai.

You a pirate?

[tumbler]

Sometimes! [Cough.] When the mood strikes. And I know a fair deal of them. Excellent dancers, all, and-... ah, tell me, Ellie, are you from one of those cultures that do not let their children hear of, ah, inappropriateness?

[tonsofpun]

Thaaaat depends on how weird you're about to get, Zev.

[tumbler]

[Said as dramatically as possible:] Pirates, my dear Ellie, drink often.

[tonsofpun]

Drinking isn't that weird.

[Quite common, actually. Common as bathtub moonshine.]

[tumbler]

Ah! Then I need not tread carefully around you, eh? I was good friends with several pirates, back home, and I drank with them often. And their captain. She was an excellent drinker.

[tonsofpun]

Tell me all about it. Drunk swordfights? Swashbuckling?